


Cheunh Lessons

by Amrita_Vein



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Thrawn Series - Timothy Zahn (2017)
Genre: Alcohol Use and Abuse, Aww, Confessions, Cultural Differences, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Family Feels, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, JUST KISS ALREADY, M/M, Minor Angst, Minor Character Death, Mutual Pining, Pining, Pre-Slash, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Space Rom Com, Storytelling, Worldbuilding, art to accompany the story, everybody has feelings, love in the time of the Empire, ride off into the sunset together, they’re so in love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2020-09-23 16:10:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 29,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20342929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amrita_Vein/pseuds/Amrita_Vein
Summary: After the unfortunate Sy Bisiti Incident, Commodore Thrawn and Lieutenant Commander Eli Vanto realize they need a truly secret way to communicate on missions.Thrawn decides it is time to teach his language, Cheunh, to Eli. In return, Eli decides it's only fair that he teaches Thrawn how to cook something other than blackened carbon. Neither one of them consciously decide to fall in love.As their feelings for each other grow, Thrawn and Eli face challenges both personal and professional. All of their new skills and feelings are put to the test during an extended trip to Lysatra. No Treason spoilers. Canon-compliant and many of the chapters include art.





	1. A Plan is Hatched

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter edited 4/1/20 for clarity and typos.

Commodore Thrawn and Lieutenant Commander Eli Vanto walked out of the _Chimaera's _medbay, freshly patched up after another successful away mission that once again defied logic: tracking down the main spice supplier for the sector by infiltrating a gambling circle that took bets on alien versus alien fistfights. Of course Thrawn had entered as a contestant, and of course Eli had posed as his handler- both of them sporting green sunglasses and tan synthleather track suits- not exactly the most flattering of looks, but one that got them noticed quickly by the right people to get Thrawn in the sparring cage while Eli retrieved the necessary data from the surveillance system and computers managing the bets and credit transfers.

Until they'd been shot at, it really was a pleasant mission, Eli reflected. Instead of schooling his voice into the coolly-detached faux core accent he used in the Empire, he had had the chance to let his Lysatran accent shine. And when he'd been caught the first time working on the betting computers, he managed to play it off as being an eccentric gambler. The right rants about statistics, probability, and making credits turn into more credits with the help of mental calculus actually brought Eli right to the spice supplier they were searching for. What Eli hadn't expected was the spice supplier's rather insistent order that Eli lend his betting skills to the cartel. Thankfully, he and Thrawn were able to improvise a solution to Eli's sudden job offer, but their stunt ended up causing them to miss second and third meal of the day. By the time they were given the all-clear from medical, it was it was 0100 ship’s time. Eli's stomach growled and Thrawn looked over at him, one eyebrow raised.

“Aww! Kriff! Even the auxiliary mess won’t be serving at this hour,” Eli groaned, “Guess it’s ration bars for us tonight.”

“Perhaps not, Commander. I will send for a meal brought to my quarters. Would you prefer brantha steak or something else?”

“Oh.” Eli blushed a moment before remembering, of course a commodore could have meals brought to him whenever he wished. “Steak would be real great right now. Could you request it cooked rare for me please?”

“Excellent choice Commander.”

Eli had been in the main living area of Thrawn’s quarters many times before. He would often deliver reports in the early morning hours for his commodore to read at the table with his breakfast. Now the two of them sat at that very same table and tucked into their midnight dinner.

The food was amazing, and Eli hadn’t realized how hungry he was until he’d cleared half his plate. He looked up at Thrawn who met his gaze and lifted one eyebrow, just the slightest bit. _ Great job Eli! Where are your manners? Way to act like the Wild Space yokel they all say you are! _

Thrawn looked... apologetic? “Forgive me Commander, I should have planned for rations to be on the shuttle back to the _ Chimera. _ I did not forsee the mission taking as long as it did._” _The Chiss said from across the table.

“Oh no Sir! It wasn’t a problem, this is just really good!” Eli quickly replied.

“Regardless, I apologize for not accounting for the variable of time on our physical well-being.” Thrawn responded, cool and collected as ever.

“No, no Sir. It’s okay, really! And _I_ apologize for not being able to find out beforehand that those guys spoke Sy Bisti- all their records indicated they were Core World elitists who wouldn’t want to risk dirtying their reputation by speaking any language that wasn’t Coursecanti-accented Basic.”

Eli took a sip of water and thought for a moment. “I wish there was another way we could communicate that we knew wouldn’t be understood… I could devise a code language, maybe a binary-based sign language?” 

Thrawn stilled and a far-away look crept over his face. It was the look he wore when he was in deep introspection, meditating on artwork before going into battle. A long moment passed. Eli tried to look busy eating his food as slowly as possible but recognized an electricity in the air that didn’t exist a moment ago. Finally, Thrawn’s eyes came into focus with Eli’s and he held his gaze for a moment.

“There is such a way Commander, I will teach you Cheunh, the language of my people. We will begin now.”

* * *

As far as crazy plans of Thrawn’s went, this one was particularly challenging. Eli could grasp the Chiss alphabet well enough, but could not for the life of him pronounce the sounds of the language well enough to form simple sentences. Eli was too stubborn to admit defeat and Thrawn was too proud to accept anything less than perfection, so the pair’s informally scheduled “Cheunh Lessons” were an exercise in relentless patience and disappointment.  
  


On the fourth evening of their scheduled Cheunh lessons, Eli entered Thrawn’s quarters to find a surprise: a bottle of what appeared to be Corellian whiskey and two glasses on the low table in front of the couch by the viewing window. Eli glanced at the bottle and gave Thrawn a confused eyebrow raise.

“Lieutenant Commander Vanto” Thrawn began, “As you are well aware, we have come to a standstill with your Cheunh progress. I believe you are capable of speaking the language fluently but have some sort of mental block in place that prevents you from grasping the necessary fluid nuance. In my research on the issue, I came upon a Wild Space saying that ‘when words fail, whiskey prevails’”

Thrawn met Eli’s gaze and holding his eyes, reached up and removed his Admiral’s rank insignia, placing it face down on the table.

“As your commanding officer, it would be entirely unethical for me to offer you liquor. Nor do I expect or require you to participate in this endeavor and furthermore, consider this entire conversation off the record. At ease Commander Vanto, you have permission to speak freely.”

Thrawn glanced down at the bottle, opened it, poured two glasses of amber liquid and then drained his cup. “And, in this setting, you may address me as Thrawn.” He then refilled his glass.

Eli blinked, utterly dumbfounded. Thrawn had really outdone himself in the crazy plan department this time. Was this actually happening? Had his commanding officer just offered him a drink in his private quarters, with the implied desire to get him tipsy enough to loosen his tongue, AND had he asked to be referred to by his first name? For a moment, Eli’s brain went completely blank, like when a data console shorted out, and then he too took off his rank insignia and pocketed it. Compared to the time they hid in shipping containers full of lothrats and rotten wampa food, this seemed perfectly reasonable. He looked at the Chiss sitting expectantly on the couch. “'An I guess you can call me Eli.”

“No, it would be ‘_And you may call me Eli’,_” Thrawn responded in Cheunh.

Eli crossed the room, downed his glass of whiskey, and tried again.

* * *

Four hours and two thirds of a bottle of whiskey later, Eli was able to repeat the simple sentences Thrawn said to him in Cheunh. Less than ten words long, and all in present tense, repeating those words felt like one of his greatest achievements. Eli couldn’t help but notice how commodore no- _Thrawn’s_ eyes seemed to glow the tiniest bit and that his thin lips wore a constant almost-smile. Seeing Thrawn this relaxed and focused on him warmed up the cold void that Eli hadn’t realized was in his heat.

Eli sipped his whiskey and then said in basic, “it must've been a long time since you’ve had another person to speak Cheunh with.”

Thrawn automatically began to translate that sentence into Cheunh but stopped and switched to basic. The hint of a smile faded from his lips but his eyes retained their soft glow as he spoke. “Yes Eli, it has been a long time. We will have to work on your accent in time but I have absolute faith in you that you will attain fluency.”

Eli blushed. Thrawn had ‘absolute faith in him’ -- that was one of the very best compliments he’d ever given him over the years. He looked down at his drink and chuckled. “Ya don’t need to flatter me sir. It’s a privilege and an honor to serve with you… even if we do sometimes end up in shipping containers full of lothrats.”

Thrawn turned and placed a hand on Eli’s shoulder, his red eyes seeming to pierce his soul. “Thrawn, Eli, here it is _ Thrawn_.” 

Eli blushed again at the contact, and deftly deflected with a question. “So, uh. What would my name be? My full name I mean, like how your’s is Mitth’raw’nuruodo?”

Thrawn removed his hand from Eli’s shoulder and learned back against the couch, regarding him. “I suppose it would be ‘Eli’Van’to’... perhaps Ivan or Vant would be your core name.”

“I prefer Eli.”

“As do I.”

“On that note, uh, Thrawn, it’s pretty late and I think I need to hit the hay. This has been real nice though and I’m looking forward to being able to communicate secretly with you on missions. No more repeats of that Sy Bisti incident. I hope we can do this again sometime.”

Eli got up and looked at Thrawn, the glow in his eyes was gone and he had arranged his features into a careful hint of a smile. “As do I. And forgive me for keeping you here so late Eli, I often forget that my need for sleep is less than what humans require.”

“‘’s no problem si-Thawn. I’ll see ya tomorrow then.” Eli flashed him a sleepy smile, cheeks rosy. As he stumbled out the door, he looked over his shoulder and in sleepy, accented Cheunh said “_good night, Thrawn.”_

The door hissed closed and Thrawn let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. He poured himself another finger of whiskey and looked out into the void of space. He was suddenly aware that something existed in his heart he hadn’t acknowledged until now. Something he could never acknowledge.


	2. The Long Night

Eli was excited, he realized, as he walked to Thrawn- no, _ Admiral Thrawn’s _ quarters. They hadn’t taken their rank insignia off yet, so proper titles were still necessary. After the whiskey-fueled Cheunh session, Eli found his ability to pronounce the words had rapidly improved. For the past month, the two of them had been meeting every five days or so to go over the language. Thrawn provided him with reference materials and goals to attain. Eli for his part, worked hard to meet those goals. They hadn’t shared any more bottles of whiskey in the last month, nor had they shared the single couch. Eli would take the sofa while Thrawn sat on an armchair across from him. Eli had to admit to himself that he missed sharing the couch with Thrawn but would never ask him to join him.

Eli keyed into the Admiral’s quarters as he routinely did most mornings to deliver his early reports. Except instead of seeing the Chiss at his breakfast spot or armchair by the viewing window. Eli noticed that the lights were dimmed and a single flame burned on the low table in the sitting area. Thrawn was staring out the viewing window, his hands clasped behind his back and his rank insignia already face down on the low table. Eli pocketed his own insignia and walked over to Thrawn, something seemed off about him tonight- and not just the candle burning at the table- there was a strange heaviness in the air.

_"What do you notice, Eli?" _Thrawn asked him in Cheunh, still looking out the viewing window.

_ "I see a small fire in darkness." _Eli said. He squinted at the candle and continued hesitantly, _ "the fire is inside a… box? Of ice. It is dark in here. Feels more cold than normal. There is a fire on the table. There is a… an animal blanket?" _Eli struggled for the word for fur pelt and tried to improvise with the vocabulary he did know_ "on the sofa. There is a second ice box on the table. You are wearing red clothes, a top and pants, no shoes tonight. It is not loud in here, it is not bright in here. I do not understand Thrawn, why this is?"_

Thrawn turned from the viewing window and looked at Eli, his eyes were soft and sad. There was that faraway look he so very rarely showed. He looked more vulnerable than Eli had ever seen him- including all the times he’d been shot on missions. Thrawn took a breath and walked toward the sofa, he sat down and wrapped the fur over his shoulders and patted the seat spot next to him for Eli to sit. Eli joined him at the sofa, confusion visible on his features.

Thrawn began speaking to Eli in slow and careful Cheunh. He knew that Eli could understand more of the language than he could speak but still tried to use simple vocabulary so the human would not be lost. He also knew Eli was smart enough to fill in what he didn’t understand and that this night was important enough to him that he wouldn’t taint the moment with Basic. Thrawn needed this, he knew it was weakness to admit, but deep in his heart he missed his home and his culture. He felt reasonably secure that he could share this with Eli and that the human would not judge him too negatively for it.

_"Tonight is what we call The Long Night on Csilla. It is when we remember the time our people almost all died. Long ago, my home was a green world. Then glaciers traveled over my planet. The glaciers were large and covered all the land. Many of the people died. Cities were lost. Life was lost. All that we had was no more. Several families who lived in the mountains were able to go into caves. The people lived in the caves, in darkness and cold but alive. The glaciers never left the surface. The people grew thin and hungry. The people died in the caves. And yet the people lived. We found crystals for provide power, we made the caves larger and discovered more caves. Our planet that would kill us all on the surface kept us safe under the earth and ice. We struggled and lost so much of what we once were, we do not know our true past and history, but we know our strength today. We grew out of that darkness. We are the light in the darkness. We persevere. That is the Long Night Eli, it is a remembrance of things lost. It is when we thank our families for the strength they give us. When we remember the past and think about the future._

_ "We wear the colors of our houses- maroon," _he gestured to the dark red of his tunic, "_is the color of House Mitth, my House. We make our homes cold and dark. We feel the cold deeply tonight. We wrap furs around us for warmth the way the ancestors did. We hold in our hands an ice cube with a candle in it. We let the ice melt in our hands. It is silent while the ice melts. When the ice melts we hold the candle and share our fears, hopes, and proud moments with our family. _

_"Would you join me, Eli?" _Thrawn looked at Eli hesitantly, the strange vulnerable look still in his eyes.

Eli gulped. This was huge. In all the years he’d known Thrawn, the Chiss had never been open about his culture like this. Honor and determination swelled in his heart, of course he would join Thrawn in honoring the Long Night. _ "Yes Thrawn. Yes, I will." _

Thrawn reached behind him and took the fur- Eli wasn’t sure what animal it was from, but it was soft and pale brown in color-- and he draped the fur over both their shoulders._ "On Csilla, each person has their own fur, from their first kill of adulthood, but we will make do with what is here. Now, hold out your hands."_

Eli blinked a second and held his hands out. Thrawn placed the ice cube with the candle in his hands. He then took another candle which had been laying on the table and lit it from the burning candle. He placed this candle in a second ice cube and held it in his own hands. The two men sat in silence and watched their candles burn. Eli felt his hands begin to go numb. This was painful, and he wondered if the Chiss were as sensitive to cold as humans were- they probably weren't, he thought. Thrawn always seemed happier when their missions brought them to cold planets. But Eli wouldn’t let Thrawn down, he would see this ritual through.

Slowly the ice melted. Eli’s facial muscles tightened as he found himself exerting more effort keeping his hands steady. To his side, Thrawn sat as still and unmoving as the glaciers in his story. His eyes looking even more faraway than they had earlier in the evening. With great determination, Eli sat through the melting ice. It would be over soon he told himself, and, eventually, the ice did melt. 

The two men looked at each other. Thrawn spoke first, so very quietly and quicker than Eli could understand, "_I fear I will not do enough with my Command and my people will never forgive me. I hope we will destroy the evil threats to both our peoples. And I am proud of how far **we** have come."_

For his part, Eli was at a complete loss for words. This was definitely the weirdest, kind of painful, and the most intimate moment he’d had since he broke up with his boyfriend before he left for Myomar Academy years ago. He gulped and hoped he said the right words._ "I fear the loss of my… family and people. I hope… to be warm again. And… I am proud of… you, Thrawn."_

Thrawn inhaled sharply and looked at Eli with wide eyes. "_You honor me Eli,"_ he then paused, noticing Eli shivering next to him.

"_Here! For the cold!" _ Thrawn took the fur from his broad shoulders and draped it completely around Eli, reaching around him to tuck the fur against the sofa and murmuring absently at him, "_I am thankful to you for sharing this with me Eli’van’to. Now, to get you warm again." _Thrawn stood up and padded over to the counter that his datapad was on. He keyed in a few commands and the light and temperature levels increased. Not to the standard brightness that simulated daylight, but about sixty percent of it. The temperature levels were notably higher than Thrawn normally kept his quarters, and for that, Eli was grateful.

Thrawn returned to the sofa and sat down next to Eli but not facing him. He then started to speak in Basic. “It has been a long time since I have honored the Long Night of my people, Eli. Thank you. I… I find myself rather emotionally compromised at the moment and do not think I can continue with Cheunh lessons this evening. If you’d care to join me, I am going to find something mindless and pedestrian to watch on the holonet. 'Brain bleach' as Commander Faro calls it. You are more than welcome to stay if you’d like, I do not wish for you to feel unwanted but--”

“I think I understand sir-_Thrawn_. Sometime’s you need a bit of time to just let your thoughts run for a while. And have you seen that new vid about the Podracing Clone Trooper and Pantoran princess? I heard it’s got some of the best visuals and worst dialogue of the new releases, should fit the bill for ‘brain bleach’ as 'ya say.”

“Thank you Eli. That sounds… acceptable. Would you care for anything to drink?”

“Some hot tea would be nice please. Thank you Thrawn.”

The two men sat on the sofa and watched the holovid that Eli suggested, and then put on a second vid also of Eli’s choosing- '28 Rotations Later'- a short horror/adventure film. After that, Thrawn put on a documentary about Mandalorian architecture. Eli tried to act interested in this holovid, but his eyelids were getting heavy and the fur he was still wrapped in was awfully cozy.

Thrawn felt a solid weight slowly ease onto his shoulder and glanced down. Eli Vanto, the human who he had shared his secret hopes and fears with, who was wrapped up in the closest approximation of a Chiss ceremonial pelt that Thrawn could find, and who was proud of him, had fallen asleep on his shoulder. Thrawn tapped Eli gently, trying to wake him but the human would not be moved. So Thrawn sat there, lying to himself that he was still watching the holodoc on Mandalorian architecture when in actuality, he was focused on the steady breathing of the impossibly warm human next to him. 

* * *

Eli woke up feeling incredibly comfortable. He was splayed out, diagonally with limbs akimbo, and wrapped in a heavy warmth. Perhaps this was just another dream? The experience was unnaturally cozy, and while his upgraded officer’s quarters on the _Chimaera_ had a larger bed than the tiny cot he’d had for years, he wasn’t able to sleep diagonally like this in his own bed. Wait… his own bed, where was he?

His eyes suddenly blinked open. This wasn’t his bed. Was this real or still a dream? Eli rubbed his eyes, hoping the mirage would dissipate. Instead, the strange room he was in became clearer. It was obvious that he was still on the _ Chimaera _ but he was not in his quarters. Nor was he passed out on the sofa in Thrawn’s living area, where he had hazy memories of Mandalorian podracers looking at buildings. _ Okay Eli, just try to act natural, this is probably still a dream or some kinda weird test. Just act cool. _ He looked around the room again and began to take in the details.

The bed he was in was impossibly large, it seemed a touch longer than a regulation mattress and about twice as wide as his single bed. The sheets were a maroon-colored satin fabric- cool to the touch and the house colors of Thrawn's family Eli remembered. Draped over the sheets was the fur pelt from last night- it provided a comforting amount of warmth and pressure as the thick fur had a decent amount of weight to it. Eli glanced around the room, for the most part, it was bare. There was a large viewing window and several ceremonial weapons on the wall. Close to the door were a set of fighting sticks and a pole arm that Eli knew Thrawn practiced with. _ Wait a second Eli, this is Thrawn’s room! You’re in Thrawn’s BED! Oh kriff, kriff, this better be a dream! _ He thought to himself before gasping out loud. How did he get here?! Assuming he passed out on the sofa, did Thrawn get him to sleepwalk in here? Did Thrawn _ carry _him in here? Both options were so far beyond ridiculous that Eli couldn’t even fathom it. 

To his left side was a small table. On it were his rank insignia and a datapad with a flashing alert message. Eli took the pad, clicked the alert, and a text update loaded.

> “Eli Vanto- it appears that holovids on Mandalorian Architecture are perhaps not compatible with maintaining the alertness or coherence of Lysatran humans. Upon noting your loss of consciousness, attempts to rouse you were made. You did not respond to those attempts and I did not wish to startle you or cause you pain. As the sofa in the living area would not be an ideal location for a proper night’s rest, I transported you to my quarters. As you are aware, Chiss require less sleep than humans, I have taken myself to the gym for needed training. After that, I intend to spend the morning hours reviewing correspondence in the main living area of my quarters. This message will trigger an alert upon opening and I should have sustenance available for you when you are mobile. My sincere apologies for keeping you awake past reasonable hours for your species. Your company and participation in observing my cultural moment was most appreciated. Do note that I have shifted our on duty time four hours later to account for the lack of proper rest. -T”

Eli blinked and rubbed his eyes again. This _ had _ to be a dream. Since leaving Lysatra and joining the Imperial Navy, he knew things would never be normal, but this was weird even for _ Chimaera _ standards. Okay, so, he’d passed out in Thrawn’s living area watching a holovid early in the morning. That was something normal people did sometimes. Thrawn had then _ carried _him to his bed and tucked him in- that was definitely not something normal people did, but maybe it was a normal thing for Chiss to do? And Thrawn definitely wasn’t normal people- he probably wasn’t a normal Chiss either, so was this normal by Thrawn-standards? And wait, where were his boots? Eli glanced down and saw his boots were lined up next to the bed. Okay, that wasn’t normal either. At least not for humans. But they had started the evening by recognizing The Long Night and Thrawn had seemed oddly sentimental. Perhaps he had been feeling more emotional than he had let on and needed an outlet to show some kindness towards something? He didn’t have any other Chiss to share these moments, so maybe he just wanted to do something nice for Eli to show his appreciation for him holding that ice block in his hands?

Eli got up, put on his boots, and made the bed. He patted down his hair, smoothed his uniform, and pocketed his rank insignia. _ Okay Eli, just try and act natural. Act cool and like this isn’t the weirdest thing in Wild Space. Just act natural an’ this will probably be over real soon. _ Schooling his expression into one of calm collectedness, Eli Vanto walked out of the bedroom and into the living area of Thrawn’s quarters.

* * *

If Eli’s jaw was capable of detaching from his skull and falling to the floor, it would have when he entered the living area. Apparently, some of the metal panels that he thought were just a plain wall section actually slid away to reveal a fully operational kitchen area. In this kitchen area, Thrawn was fumbling, cursing in Cheunh, as a packet of instant caf powder spilled partially into two mugs and partially on the counter top. The Chiss whirled around, tapping at the hot water dispenser and managed to fill the mugs with water and only sloshing some of the instant caf on the counter. Thrawn pulled out a drawer and groped around, finding a spoon to mix the caf powder and hot water, he then wiped his brow with-- exhaustion or confusion? And then he turned around. Eli had never seen his Admiral in such a state of disarray, it was simply unlike Thrawn to not be in complete control of a situation. A thought occurred to Eli then, did Thrawn not know how to use a kitchen? Did he not know how to cook? 

“Mornin’ Thrawn” Eli said, a sleepy glint in his eye. “Thank you for putting me to bed last night. Uh, do you need a hand with that?” Before he could protest, Eli stepped into the kitchen area and programmed the liquid dispenser to bring up some milk at medium temperature. He took one of the mugs of caf out of Thrawn’s hands and added milk to it. He turned to Thrawn and then asked him “would you like cream in your caf or is black what you prefer?”

Thrawn _ gaped _at him, actually speechless for once in the years they had known each other. “Black is sufficient, though does it taste better with cream?”

“Wait, what? You mean all these years of living in the Empire and among humans, you’ve never had cream in your coffee or thought to try it? Why’s that? Damn, I should've done a better job getting you on board back at Royal Imperial.”

“It never occurred to me. Sustenance is necessary for existence, but beyond meeting macro nutrient ratios and calorie needs, I fail to see--”

“You fail to see?! Don’t tell me that you’re one of those folks who just eat ration bars all day long unless they have to be seen out in public. Food’s amazing Thrawn, it’s like art, it tells you about a person’s heart and soul. Do… do you know how to cook?” Thrawn blinked at Eli, apparently that translated to ‘no, I do not know how to cook and I will also not admit such a weakness.’

“Okay, well, tell ya what then, next time we schedule some language lessons in, I’m making us dinner. It’d be a shame if this kitchen never got any use. And I haven’t got to cook a proper meal in ages, so it’d make me happy to do so.”

“Very well, if it makes you happy” Thrawn said, and he extended his hand out for Eli to shake “but when we do so, _ you _will be dictating your cooking process to me in Cheunh.”

Eli met his gaze, held it, and shook his hand. He then looked down at Thrawn and realized the Chiss was still in his workout clothing- a tight black sleeveless shirt and equally tight white pants. Neither garment left much to the imagination- Thrawn was a beautiful man and had clearly maintained the impressive physique he had in their Academy days. Eli’s eyes fixated on Thrawn’s chiseled biceps a moment before speaking up. “First things first, try my cup of caf with milk and tell me if you like it.”

Thrawn took the caf from Eli’s hands, their fingers touching perhaps a moment longer than necessary and sipped it. “It… it is not bad. It is more mild this way and more palatable. I think I prefer it actually.”

“You see Thrawn? It’s okay to try more than the basic rations. Now I’ll take my cup back and you’ll add as much milk to your caf as you want. Look at the control panel on the liquid dispenser. You can add as much or as little as you want. Some folks even add sweetener powder but I don’t prefer it. It’s up to you though.” Eli took his cup out of Thrawn’s hands and helped the Chiss with the liquid dispenser. He couldn’t help but notice his Admiral’s glowing red eyes shining brighter than normal as he added the milk to his caf.

“Well, okay then, looks like you’re good for now Thrawn. Thanks for pushing our shifts back a couple of hours, and for letting me crash here for the night. Sorry about that--”

“It was no problem, Eli.”

“Well, I still feel bad about it. I’ll get a vocab list together for you to help me with and I guess we’ll do this in a few cycles or so. In the mean time-” Eli pinned his rank insignia back onto his tunic, “I’ll see you on the bridge later today, sir.” He turned and let himself out of Thrawn’s quarters and walked down the hallway, sipping his caf, the mental voice in his head repeating on an endless loop ‘_j__ust act normal, Eli, just act normal _.’


	3. A Cooking Lesson

“Well okay Thrawn, now don’t say I didn’t warn you, but this was the best recipe I could find that uses what fresh ingredients I could get ahold of. And no, before you ask, I didn’t just raid the commissary, I special requisitioned all of it. Just using what’s available onboard would have been too easy. If you’re gonna take all this time to teach me Cheunh and make all those lesson plans for me, then I need to do my part as well. But I just so you know, this might be a little spicy. Lysatran cuisine isn’t really thought of as mild in the Core Worlds and I don’t know what food is like in the Ascendency, so I hope this’ll be okay. Tonight, we are making oven baked sahale bird with summer vegetables and a salad of fresh greens.”

Eli set down the bags he had with him and then looked at the kitchen area of Thrawn’s quarters. He felt pretty confident in his ability to cook the simple recipe, but he knew it would be a challenge to do so while speaking in Cheunh and having an untrained sous chef with him. Hopefully having Thrawn in the kitchen would be more of a help than a hindrance. _ Here goes… something, _ Eli thought to himself and then began speaking in Cheuhn_ "Okay, first we make the work space clean and we get out our tools for work."_

Eli glanced at the vocabulary list on his datapad, he hadn’t had time to memorize all the words he requested from Thrawn. "_I need a sharp knife, kitchen scissors, a cutting board, and a roasting pan. Can you get those for me please Thrawn?"_

While Thrawn rummaged through a box of cooking implements, Eli rolled up the sleeves of his tunic and unclasped the sealing strip at his neck _ Might as well get comfortable, _ he thought and then ran his hands under the liquid dispenser that was set to water and disinfect. "_You will want to clean your hands before and after handling the raw meat. Like this. Thrawn, could you give me the kitchen scissors please and cutting board?"_

"_Kitchen scissors _ ** _and _ ** _ cutting board _ **_please_**."Thrawn corrected, smiling absently, as he handed Eli the items he requested. Eli smiled and accepted the items while repeating his request in the correct order. Although Eli’s phrasing was perfectly understandable, Thrawn made a point of correcting the human’s diction whenever possible. Being simply understood would not be enough for his people, when the time came, Eli would need to be _ believed _ and respected. His people would look for any weakness and find fault with it, however inconsequential or petty the imagined really was...

A sharp crunch forced Thrawn from his melancholic brooding.

"-_ -use the scissors to cut open the back. You can take away the back to make the bird open."_ Eli was holding the carcass in one hand, and snipping along the bird’s spine with the kitchen scissors. "_After you cut out the back, you use the knife and cut here,"_ Eli pointed to what looked to be the breast bone of the bird, "_ and you take it out."_

Thrawn looked on in fascination as Eli removed the dagger shaped bone from the carcass. His survival training covered basic preparation of animal carcasses to eat but what Eli was doing -removing the backbone and small amounts of flesh attached to it- seemed wasteful and illogical to him. "_Why did you remove the backbone and breastbone from the bird?" _ he asked.

"_Because, when I do this," _ Eli flipped the bird upside down, placed his hands on the center of the bird and leaned over the carcass, pressing his weight down. Two more sharp cracks of bone breaking. Thrawn paused to consider the juxtaposition of harsh sounds he usually associated with violence and the easy smile on the human’s face as Eli continued to speak, "_it will lie down flat in the pan and cook all at the same time. You do not want this part,"_ he gestured to the breast meat, "_to dry out while this part," _ he pointed to the leg quarters, "_needs a longer time to cook."_

"_When I was in exile, I would tear off cooked animal flesh in layers, eating the meat as it cooked. This does seem like a more elegant solution."_ Thrawn mused.

"_And I do not want you to be in exile alone ever again. Now, give me the spices and oil _ ** _please._"**Eli smiled while he emphasized that last word to Thrawn, making sure to flaunt his ever-improving mastery of Cheuhn. Thrawn recognized the gloating for what it was and noted that proud self confidence was a very becoming expression on the human.

Eli showed Thrawn how to mix the spices and oil together and insert it under the bird’s skin. Half of the bird Eli seasoned to his own tastes and then he encouraged Thrawn to season the other half. Thrawn tasted a bit of the spice mixture and then decided to add about half the quantity to the remaining part of the bird.

_"Okay, now I want you to use this knife,"_ Eli pointed to a large blade, "_and chop all of these vegetables in half. Put the vegetables into the roasting pan around the bird please."_ While Thrawn set to work meticulously slicing the vegetables, Eli took a bottle out of one of the bags and began searching around for a bottle opener.

"Is all Lysatran food this flavorful?" Thrawn asked.

"Uh…" Eli began, unsure if he had the vocabulary for this. "_Most of it is. The summers are long and hot on Lysatra and with more heat the dry summers will make the flavors more… more," _he paused, clearly frustrated, “I’m going to switch into Basic for this so I can tell you right. We have really long and hot growing seasons on Lystara. Our winters are cool and rainy. The longer fruits and vegetables are on the vine in the sun, the more flavor they get, but they need to be harvested before winter hail and lightning storms damage the crops. The seasons affect the flavors of spices and also our fruits- like this wine--” Eli poured out two glasses of purple liquid “was from a year where the rains came really late, so it has a sharper flavor- you can read all about it on the side of the bottle. It’s called _ terroir _and it means the conditions for the growing climate. Some people really develop an appreciation for that kind of stuff, kind of like how you appreciate art.”

Thrawn looked at Eli for a moment, and then picked up a glass of wine, tilting it so he could appreciate the rich color of the liquid. “I think you could have expressed all of that in Cheunh, Eli.”

“Maybe I could, but sometimes I just like talking to you and having things be easy. Anyway.” Eli looked away to hide his blush and continued in accented Cheuhn. "_Could you pour 250 milliliters of that wine into the roasting pan and then place the roasting pan into the oven please? Thank you Thrawn."_

As if on autopilot, Thrawn followed the instructions given to him and retreated into his mind. There had not ever been a time in his life when things were easy for him. This was a moment of peace that would last for perhaps several hours more. But it would eventually end as all things must. They would return to duty and to their roles aboard the _ Chimaera _, and beyond that Thrawn still had his Mandate. Perhaps they would have a chance to capture Nightswan or solve the Doonium mystery before-- better not to even think it, Thrawn thought to himself. For now his attention needed to be in this moment.

_"Most cooking is an art, but baking is a science. And this bread has native herbs cooked in it over a wood fire planetside this morning- it sounded too good not to try. We can eat it and have some wine while dinner cooks. Does that sound okay?"_ Eli asked while pulling the loaf of bread out of a warming tray and putting it onto a plate. "_Do you want to join me by the window? Can you bring a little dish with some oil and as much of the spices in it as you want along with you?" _ Without waiting for a response, he took his glass and the bread over to the window and sat down on the floor, looking out into space. "_At home, we would eat this out in a garden or roof top, somewhere… _ casual… _ to sit."_

"_Casual."_ Thrawn corrected as he walked over and sat down opposite the human who was leaning against the wall. He mirrored his semi-reclining posture before asking "_do you miss Lysatra Eli?"_

“Yeah, I do sometimes. Do you miss Csilla Thrawn?”

“Yes, I do on occasion," Thrawn said and continued in Cheuhn, "_but this moment is not one of them."_

“Mmm, yeah, no, this isn’t bad at all right now.”

They both sat in comfortable silence until dinner was ready.


	4. Touch

Over the next several months, 'Just act normal' went from being Eli's mantra to his reality. It really wasn't that weird, he told himself. He and Thrawn were _friends_. It was normal for friends to spend their off hours together and have hobbies in common. The fact that Thrawn was his commanding officer and that their hobbies included sharing meals, watching holovids on the sofa, and recently trading massages on said sofa after sparring sessions- well, that was all totally normal, right? The fact that they partook in all of these totally normal activities while speaking a secret alien language was also normal.

  
Sparring was a chance to discuss military tactics and keep their bodies fit, something they were both appreciative for given their relatively sedentary jobs. During meals, Eli and Thrawn would discuss politics, philosophy, and trade stories from home. Eli noticed how Thrawn’s eyes would often glow slightly when he talked of his home, and through the stories he shared, he revealed that he was actually a very compassionate man beneath the polished veneer of stoicism. 

* * *

The first time Thrawn had offered Eli a massage was an evening after a sparring match where he had accidentally kicked Eli too hard in the back. Eli attempted to dodge the kick but actually twisted his body into the blow, and crumpled onto the mat with a pained cry as the air left his lungs. 

  
Usually, he was more stoic in defeat, but this time was uniquely painful, likely amplified by the shame of making the wrong tactical guess. Thrawn was by his side immediately, gently palpating his spine to check for a serious injury. Thankfully Eli didn’t need medical intervention, but he did seize a muscle in his back when he tried to stand up on his own and winced again. Thrawn caught the movement and helped pull the younger man to his feet.

  
“I believe that is enough sparring for today Eli. You are injured, may I provide assistance?”

  
“Ah, don’t worry about it, Thrawn” Eli wheezed and blushed at the same time, puffing his chest out to appear confident. 

  
“’S- nothing some bacta gel and a pain pill won’t take care of. I’ll be right as rain tomorrow mornin’... Just gotta’ get my things here and head to my quarters. Oh, uh, uugh…” Eli wavered on his feet, and gritted through the pain. Thrawn stepped to his side and hooked an arm under his elbow, firmly holding Eli upright. 

  
“I am aware. Nevertheless, I feel responsible for your condition and should have had better control of the kick. Please allow me to assist you Eli.” Thrawn leveled his gaze at Eli and placed his free hand on Eli’s shoulder, his eyes seeming to flash brighter as he stared at Eli with concerned focus.

  
When Thrawn said please and called him by his first name, Eli could never say no, so he allowed Thrawn to lead him from the sparring dojo, through the corridors, and back into his quarters. Eli was vaguely impressed that they did not run into any crewmen while Thrawn hauled him through the hallways and instead chose to focus on the solid warmth of the Commodore’s arm wrapped around his waist.

  
Thrawn keyed into his quarters and eased Eli down onto the sofa. 

  
“I will be but a moment Eli,” he murmured softly before disappearing into his bedroom. Moments later, Thrawn returned with a first aid kit and a glass bottle, his gaze flicked on to Eli for a moment with… hesitation? Before he spoke again, steel in his words that didn’t quite make it to his eyes.

  
“If you would remove your shirt, I shall apply bacta to the effected area.”

  
“Uh, okay… what’s that other stuff for?”

  
“It is an herbal-infused massage oil. It will have a restorative effect.”

  
“Oh.” Eli winced, feeling confused. “You don’t have to massage me.”

  
For a moment Thrawn looked shaken. “Would you prefer it if I did not?”

  
“Uh, I mean. I guess it’d sure be nice. I just don’t want you to feel like it’s something you have to do because I couldn’t take a hit well enough.”

  
“That is not the case at all, Eli. I am offering to ease your discomfort simply because I would like to.”

  
“Oh. Well, okay then, sure. I’d like that too. So, uh, how do you want me? To sit, I mean.” Eli smiled awkwardly at Thrawn and pulled off his shirt. 

  
“Lie down on the sofa with your back exposed and your stomach against the cushion."

  
Eli did as instructed of him while Thrawn kneeled down onto the floor next to him took the bacta from the first aid kit. He opened the package and gently rubbed the bacta into the rapidly blooming red spot on Eli’s lower back, working a generous quantity of the soothing gel into his skin and surrounding tissue. While he rubbed the medicine into Eli’s back, Thrawn took the teach him various words for common illnesses and injuries in Cheuhn. 

  
After finishing with the bacta, Thrawn took some of the oil and warmed it in his hands before working his hands over the rest of Eli’s torso. It felt magical and unexpected. The Chiss’s hands were strong and the movements were practice. Thrawn’s thumbs gently kneaded along Eli’s spine, and pressed down on lines of tight muscle, releasing tension in places the younger man was unaware he had had.

  
As Thrawn’s movements continued, Eli relaxed into a peaceful, semi-catatonic state. His thoughts drifted in and out, mostly focusing on the steady strength and practiced touch of Thrawn’s hands on his skin as much of the pain in his seized back melted away. He exhaled in relief and Thrawn’s hands stilled for a moment before resuming their work. Eventually, Thrawn’s hands stilled and left Eli’s back.

  
“I believe that should expedite the healing process Eli. Again, my apologies.”

  
Eli rolled over and blinked at Thrawn, who was sitting on the floor next to him. It wasn’t often they were both eye level with each other. His mind slow to boot back up, he mumbled “’S okay, Thrawn, really. You want me to uh? Do you with that stuff also?” Eli choked on the awkwardness of his words as he gestured to the scented oil on the low table as he tried to repress a yawn.

  
Thrawn’s gaze flicked to the bottle of oil briefly and his cheeks seemed to appear lilac for a moment “I appreciate the offer, but it will not be necessary. You should sleep now Eli.”

  
“Uh, okay, well as long as you’re sure but I owe you one.”

  
Eli’s half-lidded brown eyes held Thrawn’s gaze in sleepy sureness for a moment. His mouth was an easy smile and he blinked several times in rapid succession as his head fell forward the smallest bit. This time Eli was not successful at repressing the yawn.

  
“Do not worry about returning your quarters if you do not wish to make the walk. You may rest here if you wish, this sofa converts to a cot and extra bedding is available. ”

  
Too tired to process more than the thought of bed, Eli kicked off his shoes and pressed a button on the side of the sofa that Thrawn pointed out, causing the sofa to recline into a cot. He was asleep before Thrawn could return with the spare blankets.

  
Thrawn tucked Eli in and padded to his bedroom, gazing back at the sofa for a moment, and turned off the lights.

* * *

  
In the weeks that followed, Thrawn would frequently massage Eli after their sparring matches- his back, his shoulders, his arms, his neck, his ankles—and the massages seemed to become a little bit longer each time. Eli often spent the night on Thrawn's sofa afterwords, too relaxed to justify the trek back to his quarters, or, if he was being honest with himself, simply unwilling to leave Thrawn’s company. Thrawn, of course, would always decline Eli’s offers to reciprocate the massages until one day when their relationship shifted once again: when Eli bested Thrawn in combat.

Eli had not come out of the sparring match unscathed, and the pair found themselves once again in Thrawn’s living room, with the Chiss using his steady hands to work out the pains in Eli’s body. Thrawn was just finishing up rubbing the last bit of massage oil into Eli’s left hand when the younger man turned around and asked the same question he always asked at the end of Thrawn’s massages.

  
“So, you finally gonna let me return the favor this time?” Eli asked, raising a defiant eyebrow at his commodore.

  
“Actually. Yes. Today, you have proven yourself.”

  
“Proven myself? Is this because I finally beat you sparring today Thrawn? That could have just as easily been a statistical error as me actually accomplishing anything.”

  
“I disagree with your belief that your victory was merely statistical error as you put it, however your other hypothesis is correct. Allow me to explain the Chiss concept of Warrior’s Reciprocation to you.” Thrawn continued in Cheunh, "_among my people, a warrior’s mind and body are equally sacred tools to hone. As is the bond of trust between warriors. To facilitate that trust, my people often trade massages to set the body and mind back at ease. It is a demonstration of respect and honor. There are also rules associated with differences in rank and age. It has been my responsibility as your…"_ Thrawn hesitated a moment, clearly uncomfortable, "_your commanding officer. That I am to address your needs until such a time as today where you bested me in combat. This is primarily in place to protect working relationships and not allow commanders to take advantage of those under their command."_

  
“Oh. Wow. Well, thank you for explainin’ all that to me sir— I mean Thrawn. I’m… I’m honored.” Eli blushed.

  
“As am I.” Thrawn's unwavering scarlet gaze matched the seriousness of his tone.

  
“So, uh, where would you like me to massage for you first?” Eli asked, as he poured some massage oil into his hand and began to warm it up in his palms.

* * *

This night, after sparring, Thrawn had popped on a holovid under the guise of ‘discussing cultures’ but Eli knew that really translated to ‘I’m exhausted but want to share an ale with you on the sofa’.

_Yeah, totally absofuckinglutely not normal_ Eli thought to himself as he leaned his head against Thrawn's knee while the Chiss dragged his thumbs along his neck, but he had to admit that the contact felt good. Eli was sitting on the floor in between Thrawn's legs, while he was working at a knot in Eli's upper back. In front of them, a holovid was playing a recording of some core world play- a classic love story with a predictable plot but it had some rather inspired holoprojections and original music to accompany the action. For some reason, Thrawn felt like testing Eli's Cheuhn vocabulary on medical terms that evening while massaging him.

_"What is the average human body temperature, Eli?"_

_"Ninety-eight point seven degrees Thawn. What is the average Chiss body temperature?"_

_"Ninety-one point three degrees, but we can lower our body temperature when needed. It requires exposure to cold temperatures for some time, we can maintain a temperature of eighty-one degrees indefinitely if needed, and in extreme causes operate at body temperatures of sixty-four degrees."_

_"Stars Thrawn, I guess that's why your fingers always feel so cool."_

_"Does my temperature make you uncomfortable, Eli?"_

_"No Thrawn, I just wondered about it. You know Lysatra is a warm planet. Sixty-four degrees is about the average winter temperature for most of the planet. And I think that's about the temperature the Chimaera is set to, but you keep it cooler in here Thrawn."_

_"I do. Generally, I will lower the temperature even further when I sleep. I find it produces a more restful nights sleep."_

_"Well, I miss the warm of Lysatra. When I had time, I would spend nights sleeping outside under the stars. It would be warm and dry, maybe seventy degrees or so. I did not need a blanket and would find a flat rock still warm from the day's sunshine. I would lay on the warm rocks and look out at the starry sky and try and count the stars Thrawn, sometimes I'd count the stars in a part of sky as wide as my thumbs and extrapolate off that."_

Eli's vocabulary and grammar were improving rapidly, though his Wild Space accent was more pronounced in Cheunh than it was when the human spoke Basic. Thrawn smiled to himself that the two of them could carry on real conversations in his language now. He realized he liked the easy twang of Wild Space in Cheunh, it helped round out some of the sharp and proper edges the language had. He had hope that soon they could communicate exclusively in Cheunh on missions, and, maybe, forever.

That thought sent a jolt through Thrawn. Did he really just admit to himself that he wanted to spend forever with Eli? The human who felt warm and pliable and so very... _right_, in his hands; but the thought of being with him, and forever, that was obscene. Thrawn's eyes unfocused on the room and he retreated into his mind. Here he was, in his private living quarters, giving a massage to his alien subordinate and thinking about wanting him _forever_. Perhaps this level of closeness was normal among humans, but Thrawn realized that his dynamic with Eli- no, with _Lieutenant Commander Vanto_\-- had become explicitly intimate.

If they were both Chiss, he would have hoped that Eli would make an offer of courtship by now, as was his prerogative as subordinate- commanding officers and those of higher social rank did not proposition those below them. But Eli was not Chiss, and he did not know that once again, he held Thrawn's fate in his hands. For now, trading massages was what they had and he would savor it. So instead, Thrawn returned his focus to his hands, and working out the knot of coiled muscle in Eli's right shoulder. He pressed his thumbs into the muscle, and slowly kneaded the tensed muscle until he heard a click and adjustment of Eli's shoulder blade.

“Aww kriff Thrawn, that felt so--” Eli breathyly exhaled before stopping and converting his words to Cheunh _"Ah! Thank you Thrawn, that feels much so good."_

_"You mean, 'that feels so good' Eli,"_ Thrawn absently corrected.

_"Yes, that feels so good Thrawnnnn..."_ Eli groaned as Thrawn pressed the knot a bit harder and Eli rolled his head against Thrawn’s knee and leaned heavily against him. _"Oh, uggggnh... I did not know there was so much... _tension _there." _Eli struggled to find the Cheuhn word and panted, exhaling a puff of warm breath against Thrawn's knee.

"_Tension,_" Thrawn corrected again, idly circling his thumbs on the human’s shoulders. The sounds Eli was making under his hands ignited a fire in his core. Thrawn blinked his eyes closed and imagined Eli sounding like that beneath him, in his bed and-- no, he would halt this train of thought immediately.

_"Mmm, yes."_ Eli was quiet a moment and Thrawn's hands stilled on his shoulders, lingering there. They had crossed another one of the many invisible lines in their relationship that they both tried so hard to ignore.

Eli leaned against Thrawn's knee a moment longer, pliant and relaxed under his hands, before he exhaled harshly, letting go of a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. Rapidly, Eli scooted forward and climbed to his feet, his face red, eyes downcast and speech quick._ "I need to get sleep right now Thrawn. Thank you so much. Iwillseeyoutomorrow."_

Thrawn's hands had tightened on Eli's shoulders for a moment before going slack. And then he abruptly climbed to his feet as well, to walk Eli to the door of his quarters. _"Yes Eli, it is late, sleep well and see you in the morning."_

Eli flashed him a sleepy, hesitant smile and padded toward the door, lingering a bit at the threshold before stepping out into the corridor.

But Eli did not go to sleep right away. Neither did Thrawn. Instead, both men found themselves in their respective sleeping quarters, staring out their viewing windows and into the void of space. They were both so very alone and yet wanting for something more.


	5. Loss and Leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A meal is shared, Eli receives news from home, Thrawn makes a choice.

The next time their schedules lined up, the newly- promoted Admiral Thrawn cooked the entire meal while following Eli’s instructions in Cheuhn. He had managed not to burn the tender whitefish fillets this time, but it was a close call. Thrawn really struggled when there were multiple pans on the rangeunit. Eli had some success when he described different cooking times as multiple squadrons of TIE fighters in different attack formations. Except that launched Thrawn into a discussion bordering on rant about how the current shielding levels on TIEs were wholly inadequate. Thrawn’s monologue could have gone on without end had the smoke alarm not started to go off. Somehow, in the distraction and discussion, one of the hand towels had been bumped onto the rangeunit and was now smoking.

Eli stepped in and picked up the smoking towel with a pair of tongs and set it under the liquid dispenser, laughing.

_"Hah! You can call yourself a real cook now, Thrawn! You finally set something on fire!"_ Eli’s eyes were sparkling. 

_"It was not my intention to set anything on fire. And it seems to be a poor course of action to have items that are not flameproof in a kitchen to begin with."_ Thrawn retorted as he hurried over to the climate control panel and increased the air filtration speed to remove the smoke.

_"Don’t worry about it Thrawn, it happens to the best of us! The good news is that you didn’t burn dinner. I will order you some new kitchen towels tomorrow. And also some more cooking utensils. This whole process is much easier when you have more than one spatula anyway."_

Finally, dinner was plated and the two of them sat down to enjoy the meal. In Cheuhn, Thrawn recounted a dinner with High Command where Director Krennic had ordered his steak cooked well done with a side of red malro sauce and Governor Tarkin had to excuse himself in order to laugh about the faux pas. Eli then told Thrawn about the time that as a child, he put caf in his family’s speeder. Thrawn eventually mentioned that he had a brother, only after Eli’s many stories of his younger sister Mia and how she seemed to know more about Eli’s personal life than Eli did.

_"And that was because all along, she’d been bribing everyone with sweets and food in exchange for favors! Mia had started with a juice stand when she was eight years old, and by the time I left for Myomar, she had her own catering company! I swear, that girl could run circles around ISB agents if she ever put her mind to it. Instead, she stayed home and seems to use her social knowledge to get better jobs for herself and generally make people happy."_ Eli smiled at Thrawn across the table.

_"Your sister sounds like a formidable woman, Eli,"_ Thrawn responded._ "And smart to see that it is usually better to achieve results through kindness than force. My brother has a talent for making his adversaries think they are the ones to suggest his political machinations. I sometimes wish he could sit in on meetings with the High Command, I would appreciate his insight when it seems the discussion winds in ever tighter concentric circles, going nowhere in purpose."_

_"From what you’ve told me of Thrass, he would be the one leading the discussion in concentric circles. But at the end of it, his position would have improved significantly."_

_"That does sound like my brother,"_ Thrawn said wryly, his eyes softly glowed a bit at the memory and then his focus sharpened._ "Speaking of the High Command however, I have a consult with several members of them in twenty minutes and I must prepare for it. It has been a pleasure Eli and your comfort with Cheuhn has increased tremendously. My next assignment for you is to summarize our research of the Empire’s doonimun purchasing for me. I also request is that you pick out one of Mia’s recipes for us to attempt next time. Thank you Commander Vanto, enjoy the rest of your evening."_

_“You too Admiral... Thrawn... Uh, sir”_ Eli stumbled. He was technically off duty now, and his rank insignia was still in his pocket but the lines between personal and professional with him and Thrawn sometimes became too muddled for Eli to keep it all straight. Ah well, just act natural and play it off Eli he thought to himself and quickly added _“I hope they don’t keep you going in circles too long tonight Sir, good luck.”_  


* * *

Eli knew he should go to sleep, but he felt too restless after being ejected from Thrawn’s quarters so he went to the officer’s gym. He'd know about Thrawn's scheduled comm for several rotations now, but he still struggled with the feeling of being rejected from Thrawn's quarters for the evening. It was silly, he knew. He had his own quarters after all, but his mind frequently drifted off to memories of reclining under Thrawn's strong hands massaging his body. Eventually, after some time on one of the cardio machines his head felt much clearer and his heartbeat steadier. And the fact that he wasn’t on duty for sixteen hours meant that he wouldn’t need to set an alarm for the morning. A full night’s rest was going to be just what he needed to set himself straight. 

* * *

Unfortunately for Eli, he did not get the uninterrupted nine to ten hours of sleep he was hoping for. About five hours into his slumber, his datapad began chirping. As he rolled over to silence the pad, Eli noticed the alert on the screen wasn’t an alarm he’d forgotten or standard work correspondence, but a personal communication from home marked as urgent. Growing worried and suddenly feeling very awake, Eli pulled open the message:

> [From: Mae.Vanto.personal.Lysatransystem  
Destination: LtCm.EVanto.personal.ISDChimaera]
> 
> Call us as soon as possible Dear. We love you.
> 
> -Ma and Pa

* * *

  
His mother spoke first over the comm, her face looking tired and careworn. “Eli dear, it’s so good to see your face.”

“And to hear your voice.” His father added, his voice almost as tight as his expression.

Eli's mom spoke next, “we're sorry to bug you in what’s probably the middle of your sleep, but your grandma, your dad’s ma, well, she passed early this morning.”

“No!” Eli cried out.

“Yes son. It seemed like it was painless all things considered but we were not expecting it really. She took us all by surprise with a stroke in her sleep.”

“Did you get to say goodbye?” Eli asked.

“We did, sort of, I mean, we always told her we loved her every night. I think it’s what she would have wanted anyway, to go before her mind faded any more. But we are so sorry you didn’t get a chance to say goodbye son.”

“I’m just happy she didn’t suffer. But- She’s really gone? Gone. There’s so much I wanted to tell her about.”

“I know son but she was still so proud of you. She loved you. She still loves you. She asked about you every day.”

“The last time I spoke with her she told me about my ‘cousin Eli’ and how he’d been promoted in the Navy. I don’t think she knew she was even talking to me.”

“That doesn’t mean she didn’t love you.”

“I know, but… I’m still well... how are you doing Pa?”

“I’ve been better son. But your mom and I have lots of family around here. We are doing all right. We’re gonna make it. Hopefully you can come home soon for a bit, we’d love to see you.”

“Can you come home Eli?”

“I’ll see what I can do mom, how about you send me the info about Grandma’s service and I’ll talk with my CO about coming home for a bit?”

“Are you still working for that Chiss son?”

“Yes dad. And we just broke up a smuggling ring in this system that was undermining a few local shipping companies not too different from our own. He’s a good man and I don’t wanna have a fight about this now.”

“Well, at least they finally promoted you to a rank you’re worthy of. If you’re happy and doing good work that’s about all we hope for you.”

“Take care Ma and Pa. Tell Mia I say hi and I’ll be home as soon as I can.”

“Goodbye Eli dear, we love you.”

>   
[From: Mae.Vanto.personal.Lysatransystem  
Destination: LtCm.EVanto.personal.ISDChimaera]
> 
> It was so good to see your face again, Eli. Nana’s life service will be in nine standard days from now. Attached are the details. We are also going to have a Vanto family reunion campout at the river right after that- if you can spare a couple of extra days of shoreleave, we’d love it if you could join us. Your cousin Celo is bringing Otto and Paige- you still haven’t had a chance to meet those little ones- they’re awful cute and some good family time might inspire you to finally settle down.
> 
> Love,  
-Ma and Pa

* * *

Karyn Faro walked into the Admiral’s office later that morning for her usual briefing. Currently, the Chimaera was wrapping up a system patrol and would be due in for general maintenance soon.

“--So the timing of it all is really quite ideal, though unfortunate for Commander Vanto. I’ve gone ahead and cleared his request for leave. Though if I may speak freely, I’m not sure a week is really enough time, do you think he would respond well to a counselor? Personally, if I were him, and if I were you, for the record, I would take advantage of the rather massive amount of shore leave you’ve both accrued. We are due for a bit of a lull Admiral. I’ve encouraged those who have family in the area to take leave now while things are quiet.”

“What has happened to Commander Vanto? Did he suddenly become ill?” Thrawn was suddenly convinced that his aide had contracted food poisoning from their meal last night. 

“No Sir, he’s fine physically, but his grandmother passed away recently. I understand she was his primary caregiver as a child. Commander Vanto is returning to Lysatra to be with his family, his shuttle is set to depart two hours after his shift ends.”

“Did you inform him that he needn't work his entire shift in this situation?”

“I did Sir, but he was resolute in his commitment to his duties.”

“Very well Commander.”

“Admiral?”

“Yes Commander?”

“I would encourage you to also take some shoreleave as well. According to records, it’s been over two hundred days since your last break from duty. I myself will be taking a few days off next week as well. Sometimes a bit of time offship can be beneficial Sir.”

“Thank you Commander, I will think on it. I did not realize it had been so long since I had taken shoreleave. I thought it had been a more recent occurrence”

“With respect, Court Martials don’t count as shoreleave, Sir.” Faro quipped.

* * *

In his office, Thrawn checked the crew logs. Vanto hadn’t checked in for breakfast that day, and it looked like his shuttle would have him miss dinner. Concerned for his aide, Thrawn took a moment to research human grieving practices before heading to his quarters.

In the freezer unit were several carcasses of various birds they’d roasted for dinner over the past months. Thawn unceremoniously dumped the bones into a stockpot and filled it with water from the liquid dispenser. Taking care to make sure there were no flammable objects near the range unit, his turned a heating element onto the low setting and began to sort through the various spice containers in the kitchen. Thrawn carefully measured the correct contents of salt, onion, and pepper before adding them into the liquid. Yet when it came time to add “just a pinch” of chili pepper, the Chiss struggled, a “pinch” was not a standard unit of measurement. 

He let out an exasperated sigh and began to experiment with different pinches of the seasoning before deciding to use the same quantity of the chili pepper as he used for the other spices. At least there was symmetry to that decision. Annoyed with himself, Thrawn set an alarm on his data pad to alert him in four hours and headed off to prep for a late morning comm consult.

* * *

The day dragged on like frozen bantha mess for Eli. He wanted to scream and run and simultaneously just put his head down and work on the data set in front of him. He had seen his grandmother a year ago when he last visited home, she seemed fine then, whip smart and kind as ever. She had asked Eli when he was going to settle down and give her great grandbabies. Instead, Eli told her that he had signed on for another tour of duty and would be working on an Imperial class Star Destroyer.

“Well, as long as you’re happy out there Eli. I look at the sky every night and think of you out there all alone. I just hope you’re doing what you love.” Those were the last words she’d said to him in person. 

The truth was, Eli was doing what he loved. He had come to realize he was exactly where he needed to be. Hopefully the efforts of the Chimaera’s outer rim patrols were positive on Lysatra-- he’d know soon enough when he was planetside. He’d have a couple days to help out with his folks, a day for the service, and then maybe a day or so where he could take a speeder out and tour one of the canyons. The fireflowers might even be blooming now if his region had an early spring.

Eli’s mind drifted and he reflected on how his Nan would take him, his sister Mia, and their cousins out to the fireflower fields in early spring to see what she called the superbloom. An endless horizon of magenta and crimson flowers. The kids would play and Nan taught them how to make flower crowns. Her passing wasn’t unexpected considering her age, but he still wasn’t ready for it. The galaxy felt a little darker now. Maybe Eli would have time to make a flower crown for his Nan’s memorial.

The door to his office chimed. Unexpected so probably something important. Also a distraction from his thoughts. “Come in” He said weakly. This was probably going to be Commander Faro telling him to clock out and pack up already.

Instead of Faro, Admiral Thrawn walked into Eli’s small office. He was holding a small package in both hands and had an unreadable expression on his face- almost one of uncertainty.

“Oh! I’m sorry for not reporting in today Sir! I’ve been keeping up with reports from here and kind of got carried away--”

“Do not be concerned, Commander Vanto. I am in agreement with Commander Faro that you should not be on duty at this moment, but it is ultimately your decision.”

“Thank you Sir. To be honest, I don’t really know what to do with myself right now. This seems like the easiest course of action at the moment.”

“A desire to maintain routine is understandable Commander, but part of one’s daily routine also involves nourishment. I see you have not taken any meals today and that you will likely miss dinner and breakfast on your shuttle transport. As such, I have taken the liberty to prepare some sustenance for you. And do not be concerned, my quarters were not incinerated in the process.”

Eli caught the proud gleam in his Admiral’s eyes and blushed. That man had a special talent for looking regal. It was a good look on him and the pride in his expression over making soup was nearly identical to the pride in his features when starfighters successfully executed tactical maneuvers.

“I did some cursory research into human customs around grieving and realized I could provide you with some… comfort food for your journey. This is a simple broth and noodle soup I have prepared based on popular recipes from the holonet. There are also several fruits, a protein pack, some bottled caf, a sandwich, chocolate bar, and small bottle of red wine should you desire. These items I ordered from the mess but the soup was something that I prepared between meetings. I hope the flavoring is adequate. We do not have a measuring device for a pinch so I improvised with the quantity.”

And with that comment, Eli’s heart melted. He stood up and launched himself into Thrawn's surprised arms, trapping him in a tight hug. This was absurd. He started to shake with laughter and quiet sobs.

“Ah you big dummy! A pinch is something you just eyeball!”  


“What is...Eyeball?”

“AH! Kriff! Eyeball means you just look at something an take a guess about what it should be, it doesn’t get measured. Ah! And I’m sorry I called you a dummy, sir. You’re not a dummy, I’m such an idiot right now and out of sorts about everything. Blast it all Sir--”

“Commander Vanto… _Eli_…” Thrawn hesitated and brought his free hand up to the side of the human’s face, gently ghosting fingers along his cheekbone. 

“You are not an idiot. You are grieving and in distress. What you are experiencing is normal for your species and a testament to your character that you care for your family.” Very stiffly, telegraphing his movements, Thrawn twisted around and set the food package on Eli’s desk, he then reached around to lightly return Eli’s embrace. With this gesture, Eli shook a little more and Thrawn felt a warm wetness on his shoulder. Tears.

“Thank you, Thrawn.” A moment passed and then Eli released his grip on Thrawn. As the human straightened up, he wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his tunic while making a pointed effort not to make eye contact with the Chiss. 

“So, uh, you remembered to turn the rangeunit off, right?” Eli shrugged, trying to diffuse the tension with humor.

“Neither the _Chimaera_ nor my kitchen unit will burn down in your absence Commander.” Thrawn responded, looking stoic and dashing as ever.

“Ah, well that’s good to hear. So Faro was trying to con me into taking a longer leave by saying that she and many others are going to be taking shoreleave in the next couple weeks. Are you going anywhere, Sir?”

“That remains to be seen Lieutenant Commander. I will likely pursue leads about unrest in the sector.”


	6. Memories Lost and Returned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli spends time with family and meets an old friend.

Nana’s service was beautiful in every way Eli expected it to be. Neither his father nor his uncles spoke, and instead his sister Mia gave the eulogy. Helen Vanto's two sons and daughter sat tight-lipped with their chins up and eyes glassy in the front pew. Behind them in the chapel, the Vanto Inlaws of the older generation were similarly stoic while the Vanto grandchildren, Eli included, were openly crying silently.

“As a child, I grew up hearing about how Helen Vanto talked a ship of pirates away from our spaceport. Allegedly she had a wooden spatula in one hand and a tray of casserole in another. She told the Weequay that they could have one or the other option but if they wanted their mothers to be proud of them, they’d choose the casserole. Interestingly, they chose the casserole, and all of us are alive today because of it. 

“Beyond simply being alive today, us Vantos are thriving. Like the many fireflowers that bloom in the valley right when winter breaks, we are growing strong. Helen Vanto was a light that guided all of us to our best places.”

\---

The ceremony ended with a closed casket reception. Eli’s friends and family stayed as long as was considered polite before filing away. Eventually, the close family members were back home, on Eli’s parent’s back patio. A small fire was burning while everyone huddled around the flames. As his parents, aunts, and uncles, shared stories about his Nan, Eli’s mind wandered down dark paths. He felt so very alone in that moment. 

“You know guys, I think I’m gonna take a walk now. It’s been real good talking with y’all, but I want to stretch my legs for a bit.

Mia glared at him but said nothing. Eli left the house without looking back and headed into town. 

\---

Eli sidled up to the bar. Pete’s Place had been his local watering hole before he left for Myomar. By the looks of things, the tavern hadn’t changed a bit. Walking across the threshold felt like stepping into a time machine. The dark bar was full of memories- sloppy makeouts in the bathroom, pitchers of ale shared with friends, stories from offworld travelers, games of blackjack. This was, in fact, the place Eli had learned to count cards after all- that skill was used to purchase most of the pitchers of ale he shared with his friends- or to buy fancy shots of corellian whiskey. Eli blushed at the thought, back then, he would have the bartender pour shots of the expensive liquor for attractive men who were looking a little extra lonely and see if he could strike up a conversation or something more. There really wasn’t much else to do on Lysatra anyway. _ Stars, I was such a ho then. _ Eli thought to himself with a winsome smile. He wondered what twenty-year-old Eli would have thought about thirty-one-year-old Eli’s five year dry streak. _ Probably that you need someone to drag you into that bathroom, nail some sense into you, and get over all those messed up emotions you have for your CO _ . The last time he’d had a sexual partner was the Pantoran man he’d met in a Coursacant club. He and Thrawn had called back to High Command for another court martial and Eli had been so stressed over the whole thing that he practically ran down to the lower levels of the city once he was given leave. The fact that Eli had never actually looked into the Pantoran man’s eyes while they were _ involved _didn’t seem notable at the time, but looking back on it now caused Eli’s blush and frown to deepen- he’d had it bad for Thrawn even then. And he was totally freaking clueless.

Before he could order a second shot of Corellian Whiskey to still his wandering mind, a warm hand clapped heavily onto Eli’s shoulder. He turned around to see a fit man with freckled olive skin, pale green eyes, and golden hair that was pulled into a low ponytail-- none other than Thom Salina, Eli’s longtime partner in all things troublemaking and occasional partner in bed. “Eli kriffing Vanto.” He stated, looking keenly into the shorter man’s brown eyes before pointedly raking his gaze down the rest of his form “I knew I’d find ya here. And hey,” Thom’s gaze softened and turned earnest “I’m real sorry to hear about your nan’s passing. We all miss her, and your folks made sure the end was comfortable for her. Her star burned bright alright.”

0

Eli nodded fondly in agreement with Thom. Although he’d come to the bar to stew in his thoughts alone, he was grateful for the company, and for the touch. His friend sitting next to him had really come into his own over the past decade, it looked like his choice to stay planetside and pursue his interest as a mechanic had paid off. Thom had recently been promoted to a lead tech at the spaceport and seemed to be doing very well for himself. 

“You mind if I buy ya a drink?” He asked and then placed an order for two Corellian whiskeys before Eli could actually respond. Eli smiled a bit at Thom’s boldness, he wasn’t surprised to see that it remained, he just hoped his friend didn’t notice how reserved Eli had become over the years apart.

“So, uh, what are they feeding you up in space, Eli? It looks like the Imps have put you on the Death Trooper diet and workout plan- looks _ good _ .” Thom drawled. Eli nearly spit out his drink, did Thom just give him a boldfaced compliment on his appearance? _ Damn, I am attention-starved if this is all it takes to get to me. _

He was only wearing the old civis he kept at his parent’s home on Lysatra. The decade-old clothes were moderately out of style now but didn’t look out of place. However, they were decidedly too tight across the chest, shoulders, and thighs. _ Huh, I guess Thrawn’s insane workout routine has had a noticeable effect after all _he thought to himself, somewhat proudly. He then felt very underdressed and scruffy- the thin grey henley shirt, dark green slacks, and beat up brown leather boots didn’t exactly scream confidence or swagger. Thom, for his part, looked as unkempt and on-brand as ever while sporting several new tattoos on his forearms. Eli wondered if he had any other new tattoos in places he couldn’t see. His blush continued to deepen. Forcing a cough and schooling his face into the professional clipped tone he used when giving reports, he began to speak.

“I uh, I try to keep up my physical training. More often than not, I end up spending time with pirates and smugglers who think their fists would be good pals with my head, so my...friend and I go toe-to-toe a lot at the sparring dojo on ship. I never thought I’d be the kind to say this, but I’ve also found sparring is a good way to clear my mind when I’m stressed out or frustrated, which happens to be most of the time these days.”

“Are you sure you’re not just frustrated because the Imps have all those rules against fraternizing and having any kind of fun or personality?”

“Oh, there are plenty of Imperials who fraternize and ‘_ have fun _ ’ as you say but I need to be more careful than the coreworlders. You know how it is being from here. Besides, a lot of them don’t really know what they’re doing and blow it ‘cause they’re reckless. My…uh, _ friend _and I once busted some cadets who were trying to get us framed for gambling and it looked like they barely knew how to hold their cards. It made me wonder if they were trying to copy a scene from a holovid or somethin. I just try to keep my head down and do a good job Thom. It’s not worth it with them.”

“Hey now! I wasn’t judging. And you don’t have to worry about staying out of trouble here.” Thom elbowed Eli in the ribs. “C’mon, we can get out of here, I’ve got more of this stuff at home- my flat isn’t too far away. And I want to show you the old speeder I’m fixing up back at my place.”

“You really don’t waste any time, do you Thom?” Eli smirked and sighed dramatically.

“Not when I’m on a time crunch. Mia said you’re leaving in two days. And I really would like to show you that speeder, too, it’s dope. We could take it out to Arrow Canyon maybe.”

“Hold on a sec, just ‘cause you’re in a rush to go nuts doesn’t mean I don’t need a minute or three to get there. It’s been a long time Thom. I’m not, _ not interested _, but it’s complicated and I-”

“--Don’t worry about it Eli, I’m mostly just messing with you.” He winked and his eyes glittered easily in the neon lights. “It’d be fun for sure, but I know you’ve got a lot on your mind with your Nan’s passing and the way you talk about that ‘friend’. Tell me you don’t just spar in the fighting ring.”

Eli rolled his eyes and half-glared, half-smiled at Thom, then sighed more dramatically this time. “Thom, you have no idea how pathetic I’ve become. I’ve got it bad for him. _ Bad _.” Eli looked down into his glass and continued. “For the past few months, I’ve been teaching him how to cook and he’s been teaching me his native language. We haven’t even kissed and I’m afraid my heart will explode practically every day. I’m actually getting pretty passable in conversation now and he made an excellent soup from scratch a few days ago. We do just about everything together now but I--”

“So what’s stopping you from proposing marriage already?”

“He’s my commanding officer. And also an alien.”

Now it was Thom’s turn to try not to spit out his drink. “Oh that does complicate things Eli! I’m sorry. The commanding officer part, not the alien part though, you know no one here would care. But still, why don’t you just go for it? Worst that happens probably is you end up back here and I can think of at least one very attractive, very talented, _ very humble _, man with excellent hair who would let you sleep on his couch while you got your bearings back. Stars, a dishonorable discharge from the navy might even open some real doors for Vanto Shipping if you’re willing to be a little uh... creative with the clients you take on.”

“So you’re saying I should go from hunting smugglers to becoming a smuggler?”

“No, I’m just saying you should be happy. An’ right now you don’t look so happy.”

“Aw kriff, let’s get out of here Thom.” They both tilted their glasses back and slammed the empty cups on the counter before heading out the side door into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Thom's name is pronounced "Tom" and he and Eli have been good friends since childhood and occasional FWB since their late teens. 
> 
> 2\. Mild revisions and art added 10/21/19


	7. Hopeful Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli and Thom spend some time together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Edited 10/21 with tweaking of text and more dialogue. Also added art!
> 
> This chapter includes two songs. If you want to listen along, here are links! :)
> 
> Song 1 -"Showboat"  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CUgANeNoOY
> 
> Song 2 - "Train go by"  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vyyYLDbebWE

They made it four city blocks before Eli pinned Thom against an alleyway wall with a desperate kiss. It was needy, frantic. Eli was wound up so tight he feared his heart would stop at any moment. One of his hands slammed against the building wall behind Thom while the other hastily caressed the taller man’s face.

Thom wrapped a hand strongly around Eli’s lower back and pushed his face back with his other hand. Light from street caught in his green eyes, highlighting a knowing gleam and a tinge of melancholy tiredness. “Ya really want this Eli?” He looked the Imperial Officer in the eyes and let the question sit between them.

“Kriff. Yes. _ Yes _. AH--”

Thom leaned in and hungerly captured Eli’s mouth with his. He was warmth and teeth and still so wild. He was also still familiar after the years and miles between them. Wiry muscle, a chin that was still rough and scratchy, hair that probably should have been washed a week ago, and that tongue ring. This was a game for power and control that they both knew how to play very well- though admittedly Eli was rather out of practice. Take and give, use and be used. Keep it casual and give back as good as you get. Right now Eli needed to use someone, but that didn’t mean Thom was simply going to roll over and let him have it. His hand that was on Eli’s lower back shifted over to that spot right above Eli’s hip bone and _ tickled. _ Eli gasped and doubled over with uncontrollable giggles. _ Damnit Thom! _

“C’mon Vanto, let’s get!” Thom smirked. And then the bastard winked at him and turned on his heel, walking down the sidewalk.

Thom took the walk back to his flat as a chance to do everything but look at Eli. In fact he was very talkative, Eli knew he was being toyed with and jerked around, but tried to keep his bearing. The taller man would make an observation about how the city has changed over the past decade, reminisce with a tale of mischief that occurred, or a new song that was being written. His band had broken up and gotten back together a few times over the years.

“We could use a few more folks on the strings Eli. Or you could always sing with me again.” 

“I don’t really sing these days” Eli muttered as he kicked a crushed can on the sidewalk, his hands jammed into the pockets of his pants. He was really trying to act cool right now, but he was still wound up too tightly. Thinking about how he didn’t sing anymore made him feel decidedly uncool.

“Now that’s a shame. C’mon, let’s sing _ Showboat _together. Right now. We’re almost back to my place now, but I bet we can finish it ‘fore we get there. You’ll like it.”

And Thom began to sing, his rich voice low and crooning, full of that sad tiredness Eli had seen in his eyes earlier.

_ “ _ _ Every time it rains, it pours _

_ I pray it rains just a little more on me _

_ 'Cause I'm the guy who never cries _

_ And I gotta keep my reputation clean _

_ And here's a helpful tip the rain _

_ Administered in raindrops may _

_ Help to hide the tears a little more _

_ Which is why a guy who never cries _

_ Looks up at the sky with hopeful eyes _

_ Hoping when it finally rains it pours” _

“Oh fuck you Thom!” Eli was angry only because this song hit too close to the things he wouldn’t admit to in his heart. Undeterred, his friend continued on. Eli started to mumble the words along as well.

“_ Cause I'm the guy who never cries _

_ And I gotta keep the pain all to myself _

_ No light to see me shaking _

_ No sound to hear me breaking _

_ No sound to hear the teardrops hit the floor _

_ Which is why a guy who never cries _

_ Stays up all night with hopeful eyes _

_ Hoping when it finally rains it pours _

_ “Every time I think of him _

_ I wonder if he ever thinks of me _

_ Out all night and running wild _

_ The latest styles, the greatest company _

_ With laughter, lights and drinking _

_ Trying hard to keep from thinking _

_ And seeking for what he is searching for _

_ Which is why a guy who never cries _

_ Looks up at the sky with desperate eyes _

_ Hoping when it finally rains it pours” _

“Hah!” Eli exclaimed before he captured Thom’s mouth in a fierce kiss, pressing him against the stucco wall of another building.

“You’re such a kriffing fucking showboat Eli Vanto. An’ I can’t wait to have those… hopeful eyes lookin’ up at me--” Thom chuckled in response, a dark twinkle in his eyes and he started to shove Eli down.

Eli made a noise that was practically a growl before parrying the shove, stepping to the side, and releasing Thom from his embrace. Both of them laughing, they continued down the road, only a couple more doors to pass and were soon inside Thom’s flat.

The apartment was everything Eli knew it would be. Slightly dusty, lived in, empty bottles in creative places, art and concert posters on the walls, some holos of the bands playing at the Crags, a disassembled ignition system on the dining table, various parts and tools laying about, several well cared for jade plants, and a threadbare couch draped with a pilled afhgan that probably predated the Galactic Civil War.

Thom opened a cabinet and pulled out an incense stick. He lit it and set it into the soil of one of the jade plants. Soon, a heady spicy scent permeated the rooms as he made a point to start opening the windows in the flat. Eli took the opportunity to assist and allow fresh air into the space- he was too wound up to sit down just yet, and to be honest, it smelled a bit stale inside. Eventually, Eli leaned against the threadbare couch while Thom reached for one of the guitars that hung on a wall and began to strum.

Still too antsy to relax fully, Eli wrung his hands and got up off the couch and walked into the kitchen. He filled up two cups of water and then rummaged through the cupboards until he found the cooling unit. He grabbed two cans of ale and carefully balanced them on top of the cups of water as he gingerly walked back to the couch. He set the beverages onto the low table in front of him and then opened the tin that he correctly guessed had smoking supplies in it. Thom had finished tuning the guitar and was strumming the chorus for _ Showboat _ while Eli pulled out the rolling papers and began to clumsily roll a pair of cigarettes for them. It had been some time since he’d done this but he eventually crafted two passable cigarettes. The greasy handsome bastard was still smirking and not looking Eli in the eyes, he knew what he was doing. _ He’s playing with me _ Eli thought. But it was too late to any of it to matter anymore. 

Eli handed a cigarette to Thom, who placed it behind his right ear and grabbed his drinks along with his guitar. Eli followed Thom up a flight of stairs up to the rooftop. Both men sat down on the floor leaning against a retaining wall. Thom produced a lighter from a pocket and held the flame up to Eli. 

Eli placed a fond hand on Thom’s shoulder as he looked the taller man in the eyes and lit up his cigarette. The two men smoked in silence for some time before Thom handed his guitar to Eli. 

“I know it’s not a mandolin, but you can improvise with jus’ six strings. I’ma sing ‘_ Train go by’ _now. I think you can play along with me, maybe you’ll even sing with me”.

Eli strummed the guitar briefly in confusion and blinked. Thom really was a bastard for wanting to sing this song with him. Kriffing musicians and all their feelings.

“C’mon, I know you can still do it and I’ll be playing along too.” 

Thom reached for a second guitar that was already laying on a chair on the rooftop and began picking out notes while adjusting the turning on the second instrument. He placed a capo on the guitar’s neck to alter the pitch. Eli stumbled through a progression of chords, trying to remember how to play the six-stringed instrument in his arms. After a few scales, Eli started to strum along with Thom’s voice, pissed off he was going along with this blatant manipulation.

“_ Gonna go home, tell him I want him _

_ Gonna make it alright, gonna _

_ Do whatever it takes to save us _

_ But for now I'm waiting, waiting _

_ Gonna be more open-hearted _

_ Take it back to where we started _

_ But for now I'm stuck here at this light _

_ I'm waiting on a train go to _

_ Train go, train go, train go by _

_ Train go, train go, train go by _

_ Train go, train go, train go by _

_ Just waiting on the train to go by” _

Thom stopped singing and took a long drag on his cigarette, 

“You know I care about you Thom.” Eli faltered.

“Yeah, I do. This’ll all probably be okay Eli. I’m just uh, glad you’re here and for the chance to see ya again.” He returned to strumming and singing. Eli joined, strumming along but without the courage to sing along.

_ “ _ _ He needs to hear me set things to straight _

_ He needs me when it's way past late _

_ And I need to be there in the dark of night _

_ But still I'm waiting, waiting _

_ I've never been so empty handed _

_ Nothing turning out as I planned it _

_ She's disappointed, and I'm just mad _

_ But for now we're waiting, waiting” _

Eventually, Thom and Eli finished the song, with something strange and electric in between them. Thom ran his fingers up along Eli’s arm and pressed his forehead against his.

“You’ve been gone a long time and there aren’t a lot of minds like yours in this galaxy. I don’t wanna see you get hurt.” Thom’s voice dropped an octave as he inhaled the scent of Eli’s hair.

“I just… I just want it all to go away and stop for a bit” Eli choked out.

“Yeah? Well how about I help you with that?” Thom murmured, their guitars clanked together as he leaned in further and kissed Eli gently on the lips. It was soft, questioning, and unsure.

Eli desperately kissed back, his fingers tangled in that greasy blonde hair and his lips traveling down Thom’s neck. Gentle spots of warmth peppered olive skin as he mouthed over all that was accessible to him. Thom momentarily broke away from the kiss to put down his guitar and Eli did the same. They were done with pretending this rendezvous was for any more noble cause than what was happening in that moment. Eli returned to kissing Thom and was interrupted again as the mechanic pulled him up onto his lap. Eli was straddling him now, their thighs pressed against each other. Thom hummed happily as Eli’s mouth worried his collarbone before his tongue traveled up to his ear. Eli slaved his tongue over the shell of Thom’s ear and nipped at the lobe. He was high on the scent of this man- tobacco, motor oil, that incense smell, all mixed in with the familiar comfortable scent that was his friend. He could finally _ let go _. 

Thom sharply exhaled as his hips rolled forward and his fingers began to tug at the fabric of Eli’s shirt , removing it. Very deliberately, Thom raked his fingers up Eli’s back and then dug his fingernails into Eli’s skin as he dragged his hands down the exposed skin, leaving red streaks in their wake.

Eli cried out in surprise for a moment at the sensation, it had been so long since he had been touched. _ Stars _, he was desperate. He felt like the entire column of his spine was on fire.

Eli pushed off Thom’s vest and Thom hummed in pleasure, deeper this time as he bit Eli’s lower lip and pushed him back so he was sprawling on the floor as he removed his shirt. Eli could feel the heat pooling in his core and a tightness in his trousers. Thom’s chest had more tattoos than Eli remembered but was still as hairless as it used to be, save for the few stray wiry hairs that seemed to grow out of protest.

“When did you get that?” Eli asked his friend as his fingers traced along the outline of a fireflower and blaster.

“‘Couple years ago when a friend needed bodies for a tattoo apprentice, you could say I was willing.” Thom winked at him and unbuckled the utility belt Eli was wearing..

Eli repressed a squeak and then moaned in pleasure as Thom’s warm fingers worked around the exposed skin of his back. Kriff, it’d been years.

Thom’s grip on Eli tightened and his hips rolled against him again. He grabbed a handful of brown hair and pulled back, exposing the tan line of Eli’s neck before descending upon it with kisses. 

Caught in this strong embrace, Eli felt the oblivion he had been seeking. It hit him like a dust storm racing across the plains and erasing everything in its wake. He lost himself in the moment of being held and touched. The sensations of warm lips and strong hands holding him and the warmth building inside of him.

“Mmm, yes, please Thrawn _ yes _” He exhaled. So desperate now there was no veneer of control left.

Thom stilled. He stopped his ministrations and grabbed his friend by the chin and pushed him back a few inches. Looking into his unfocused brown eyes, he spoke “Uh, Eli, I’m not ‘Thrawn’ this is Thom… are you… okay?” Maybe his Imperial had had a few too many whiskeys and was slurring his words.

“Ah kriff fucking kriff kirff ahhhhg shit!” Eli’s head snapped to the side with his eyes cast downward. Thom caught on real quick and the pieces came together.

“So I take it this ‘Thrawn’’ is your space guy?”

“Damn it Thom, yes! Kriff, I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Hey, Eli, hey. It’s okay. This stuff happens. I get it. Do ya wanna talk about it?”

“No, I think I should head out, I’m so fucking sorry Thom, my personal life is like a reactor meltdown right now.”

“I wasn’t gonna say that, but you take care of yourself tonight okay? You can always crash on the couch downstairs if you don’t wanna head home or you could keep calling me Thrawn and we can keep going- wouldn’t be the weirdest thing we’ve ever done.”

“Ahh, kriff, I couldn’t do that to you Thom, I need to get out of here and get my head set straight. Thank you so much. And I’m sorry, there aren’t enough stars in the galaxy for how sorry I am. I’ll just be… going now.”

“Walk safely Eli.”

“See ya later Thom.” Eli stepped out into the night.

\------

Eli had hastily put his shirt on and grabbed his personal effects before heading out of Thom’s flat. Damn, he was ashamed of himself. Kriff, he was an asshole. Thom didn’t deserve that. If Eli could have just kept his damn mouth shut, or not been so hung up on Thrawn, he could have had a really good night. But things being what they were, Eli just had to go and sabotage things for himself. 

Glancing at his comm, he saw that it was still early enough in the night that Pete’s Place would be open. Well, at least he could black out or something before heading back to his parent’s house. At this point, he just wanted to find a gutter to crawl into. Another moment of that sweet mental oblivion.

Walking back into his familiar haunt, Eli noticed it was much more crowded than it had been earlier in the evening. He went to the bar and was about to place an order for a double Corellian whiskey, when he noticed a tall Pantoran sitting a few stools down.

Except, it wasn’t a Pantoran. Thrawn was sitting at the bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So "Thom... Thrawn..." ah poor Eli. How could you get those two confused? One of the bathes regularly and the other bathes... in motor oil? 
> 
> And why is our favorite Chiss on Lysatra? How did he even know to look for Eli at Pete's Place? Stay tuned as this soap opera in space starts to wrap up.
> 
> This is the first time I've written any kind of action in DECADES! Please feel free to submit any/all critique. Thanks for reading along so fa


	8. A Walk Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli and Thrawn go for a walk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. 10/21/19  
Hi there! It's been a while. I wanted to let you know that I have also updated the previous two chapters with additional dialogue and ART if you're interested in checking those out before continuing. I've recently really gotten into creating concept art and additional worldbuilding, so hopefully this work won't go full-on Game of Thrones with the descriptions-- if I ever do that, please feel free to call me out, I live off constructive criticism and really appreciate it!  
2.Please let me know if I've formatted the images so they are too large or load strangely on your device. 
> 
> Thank you so much for following along on this sweet angsty ride :)

“Thrawn?! What are you doing here?!” Eli’s voice cracked. He had wanted oblivion, not this. Anything but this. Stars, his luck really was bad. 

“Commander Vanto, or may I use Eli as we are both on leave?” Eli nodded his head in agreement as Thrawn continued on. “Your sister Mia informed me you would likely be here.”

“You… you spoke with my sister?! Why are you even here on Lysatra sir? Thrawn! Uh…I mean, it’s okay that you’re here on Lysatra but it doesn’t really make sense _ why _.” Eli’s focus blurred a bit and he struggled to find the words he wanted to use. Just how many attractive men were asking his sister about him? Thom made sense at least, but how did Thrawn even know to contact Mia? And the fact that this conversation was actually happening on Lysatra, at Pete’s Place of all locations, was still too much for Eli to comprehend.

“I did indeed. She is listed as your secondary emergency contact after your parents who I surmised would be occupied at this point. She has been a most excellent liaison for your family and agreeable host.

_ So that’s why she was pissed I left for the night, she knew Thrawn was on the way. _ “Uh, host? What do you mean by that Thrawn?”

“For the remaining days you are scheduled to be planetside, I have been invited to stay as a guest in your parents' home. My shuttle arrived this afternoon.”

“But… _ why _?”

“I was concerned for your mental state aboard the _ Chimaera _ and became increasingly worried after you did not respond to my messages. Reflecting on your tales of home, and on the strong cultural motifs of family and duty among my people, I determined that you may appreciate a… _ an ally _during this time.”

_ So I’m an ally now?! What the hell Thrawn! And ‘cultural motifs of family… duty’ where exactly is Thrawn going with this? How is this even happening?! _

Eli’s gaze remained downcast as he looked at the bar counter and the two glasses of ale in front of Thrawn. One was a partially consumed fovish ale Eli knew Thrawn was partial to and the other was a full glass spaceport Pilsner that Eli had mentioned enjoying in Thrawn’s company some months ago. The fact that Thrawn remembered this detail, presumptively ordered the beverage for Eli, and placed himself in a location where he was certain to be found. Well, it made the Lysatran’s face blush a few shades darker as he sat down next to the Chiss. 

Eli had felt scruffy and underdressed sitting next to Thom earlier in the evening, now sitting next to Thrawn he felt like he’d reached new levels of Pirate Hobo Chic. Thrawn was wearing polished black boots, slate grey slacks, a chunky black sweater with an asymmetric cowl neck piped in maroon, and a white leather jacket with gold buckles. The whole ensemble was immaculate and very fetching. Eli wondered when and why Thrawn had decided it was important to procure such garments.

He tossed back a third of the Pilsner before lifting his eyes to look at Thrawn. The Chiss’s eyes were masked behind sunglasses but Eli could notice the slight tick in his jaw muscles that indicated concern and tension.

“Well, I really appreciate that you came out here Thrawn. I think this is the most off-guard I’ve been caught by one of your plans and I’m pretty, but not totally completely surprised ya found me here. But uh, you didn have ta…” Eli looked back down at his hands as his voice trailed off. Thrawn cocked his head to the side and gazed at Eli for a moment before setting his hands on the bar counter and leaned in towards Eli.

“Are you inebriated Eli? You do not seem to have your usual bearing.” He asked in a voice low enough that no other patrons would hear them.

“Somewhat, sir, I mean, yes. Thrawn. I’m honestly pretty trashed right now and really wasn’t expecting to have to be responsible for much at all tonight.” Eli scratched the back of his head and looked down at the ground, not wanting to make eye contact. He felt really ashamed of himself now, admitting this weakness to Thrawn. He wondered if he had any kind of visible bite marks on him- he hadn’t checked his reflection before leaving Thom’s flat and he hoped Thrawn’s infrared vision wasn’t picking up the scratch marks on his back or the shame that was bubbling in his chest.

“Ah. Well perhaps I may be responsible for the evening and walk you back to your family’s home?”

“Uhh, yeah, sure, okay Thrawn. Let’s go. Thanks for looking out for me.” This really couldn’t be any worse, could it? The two of them headed to the door. Thrawn held it open for Eli. They stepped out into the cold desert night and began walking.

Stars and twin crescents of Lysatra’s two moons hung in the sky above them. At their elevation, the air was particularly clear and the atmosphere thin, exposing a vast array of stars above them. The white stucco buildings on Lysatra City were illuminated in a soft palette of muted purples. Eli thought for a moment how the stars looked so much farther away from the surface of a planet than from a viewing window on the _ Chimaera. _

“You still haven’t answered _how_ exactly you got to be here Thrawn.”

“Yes. Very well, the _ Chimaera _is currently undergoing routine maintenance, and when you requested leave, it prompted Commander Faro’s aide to look into how many of the crew had unused shoreleave. Many of the crew have a habit to not take breaks from duty which is not ideal for morale and overall function. Commander Faro and I suggested that those who were able take a sort of ‘mandatory vacation’ for several days. Most crewmembers returned home to the core planets and mid rim. I decided it would be educational to take the time and visit Lysatra.”

“_Educational _?” Oh, now that was rich. Eli looked at Thrawn with an eyebrow raised in protest.

“There is not much published about your planet’s culture and I wondered about the lens through which you see the Empire.”

“Ah, well, okay. This is Lysatra. It’s a little planet with dirt an’ rocks and uh, what exactly do you want to know about it?”

“For starters, there appears to be no actual Imperial presence on the surface save for a few remote offices. Why did you decide to join the Empire Eli?”

“Like I said Thrawn, I wanted off this rock for a bit ‘an out of trouble.”

“You were in trouble? Eli, are you safe here?” Thrawn's eyes flashed with concern and he scanned the horizon before Eli cut in.

“No, no, not like that! But _ I _ was trouble. I was a young idiot kid who needed the structure of the navy to set me right. If all had gone according to plan, I would have done a tour or two and then came home to work for my family's shipping company. _ ” _

“Yet that did not happen.”

“And I didn’t say I was complaining about that either, that was jus’ the plan." Eli stopped walking and glanced to the right. "Oh hey! Let’s climb up this fire escape, there looks like there’s a good view of the moons from there.” Eli grabbed Thrawn’s hand and pulled him toward the ladder. Thrawn reluctantly followed. They jumped up onto the ladder climbed up several sets of ladders before ending up on a rooftop that overlooked the city. Eli was the first onto the rooftop and extended a hand out to Thrawn, grasping his cerulian skin and pulling him onto the roof.

“So this is it, this Lysatra and Lysatra City where I grew up. It’s a small little dustball but it’s a good one.” Eli said, leaning against a retaining wall and looking out on the city, gesturing at the horizon before them. The city was an array of white stucco buildings of both historic organic and modern inorganic construction nestled into a sprawling valley edged with red cliffs and mountains on the horizon.

“This appears to be a well cared for settlement with some distinct architectural elements that are more complex than I was led to believe while reading the existing literature on the planet. Would I be correct in assuming that the large red structure is one of the older buildings in the city and that the stucco dwellings that are carved into the hillsides are the traditional style of architecture before the planet was recognized by the Empire?”

“Yeah, that big red building is our civilian resource center now- it used to be an old church but gets more use this way now. And you’re right of course about the homes cut into the hillside being older, they’re really well insulated, also. My family has a house like that, but I guess you’ve already been there and knew that?” Eli felt truly dumb in that moment, why was he trying to educate Thrawn about local architecture- he probably knew everything he was saying anyway. Heat flared in his cheeks and he looked down at the ground in shame, clutching his elbows tightly.

“How are you feeling, Eli?” Thrawn asked.

“Oh…” _ (Like an idiot, desperate, stupid, dumb, pathetic _) “I’m fine Thrawn, thanks for asking. It’s nice to be up here and look out at everything.”

They leaned back against a retaining wall and looked over the city for a while longer until Eli yawned. At that point, Thrawn spoke up “I believe it is time we return to your family’s residence.”

Eli and Thrawn then climbed down the ladders back to the street. Thrawn descended first and took Eli’s hand as he jumped the final few feet to land on the ground again. Strangely, Thrawn's hand felt warm. It must be the desert air, Eli thought to himself as he shivered, his grey henley was old and rather threadbare, not effective in warding off the night’s chill. Without a word, Thrawn unzipped his jacket and placed it over Eli’s shoulders. The shorter human was suddenly engulfed in warmth and as he wrapped the jacket tighter around his shoulders, he realized he was also engulfed in Thrawn’s scent. Blushing again and thankful, Eli smiled warmly at Thrawn, looking up into red eyes.

“Are you sure you don’t need this Thrawn?” 

“I am certain. And the garment is mostly cosmetic to complete the ‘look’. You are aware I have a higher tolerance for colder temperatures than humans do and you appeared quite uncomfortable so it makes sense for you to have it in this moment.”

“Well thank you very much sir- Thrawn. And when did you learn about ‘looks’ anyway?”

“The last time we were on Courscant, I had a dinner with Arihnda Pryce where she informed me that I was a ‘fashion troglodyte’. At the time, I assumed it was a compliment as she delivered the line with a smile. However, upon later researching the term, I discovered the malice behind her words and made efforts to not to fall victim to such attacks in the future.”

Anger flared in Eli’s chest. He remembered that dinner Thrawn had scheduled. Eli hadn’t been explicitly invited and had skipped off to the lower levels where he’d had the _ encounter _ with the Pantoran man. He should have pushed harder and gone to the dinner, put his personal frustration behind him and kept Thrawn from being insulted directly to his face.

“Ah kriff Thrawn! I’m so fucking sorry I wasn’t there with you. I can’t believe she thinks she can talk to people like that.You don’t deserve that. I should’ve, I should have…”

“Do you not approve of my sartorial choices?” Thrawn appeared mildly concerned as he looked at Eli.

“No Thrawn, it’s not that! Everything you're wearing looks very nice, I just don’t like anyone talking to you like that.” Eli's voice wavered with anger and he unconsciously clenched his fists.

“-- Do not concern yourself with the matter Eli. It has already been dealt with. I am unsure if you are aware but Governor Pryce’s favorite design house is Ollieo Armani and unfortunately for her, their next few years of collections will heavily feature a shade of scarlet that is decidedly unflattering on her coloring.”

Eli chuckled. “Now how’d you manage that one Thrawn? It’s a very subtle tactic. I like it.”

“I loaned several tapestries from my personal collection to Ollieo Armani for textile research purposes. I also mentioned my penchant for scarlet and how it could be a bold statement for the brand as it would contrast sharply with the olives and greys of Imperial uniforms- a clever way for enterprising civilians to make their presence known during Ascension Week, for example.” Thrawn appeared rather satisfied and held his chin with pride as he shared his machinations with Eli. Eli noticed the wrinkle around his eyes and slightly upturned chin when a plan of his Commodore's was executed correctly.

Eli smiled and pulled the jacket tighter around him, trying to be discreet as he inhaled Thrawn’s scent. He followed Thrawn down the narrow roads and alleys until they were back on his residential street. The Vantos lived on the top of a hill at the outskirts of town. To one direction, a person could see the sprawling form of Lysatra City while in the other direction were the rolling hills and jagged valleys of the countryside. A million stars hung in the sky, which had darkened to a deep indigo. The smell of woodfire smoke hung in the air and a thin wisp of grey meandered from the central chimney of the home- likely a dying fire was smoldering in the main room. The solar lights were on on the paito and the front gate was still unlocked. Thrawn pulled open the metal gate and stepped back, placing a hand on Eli’s lower back, ushering him forward. “After you, Eli Vanto.”

Eli stepped into the patio and up to the front door where he keyed into the home and looked up at Thrawn. Confusion furrowed his brow. “So did my Ma or Mia set you up anywhere? Do you have a place to sleep?”

“We are to share your quarters, they have already provided an additional cot and bedding.”

“Ah. Well thanks for gettin’ me home Thrawn.” Eli clapped his hand on the Chiss’s shoulder “Do you need anything? I’m goin’ to grab a glass of water and then be right in.”

"No, I am quite well, thank you."

Moments later, Eli stumbled back into his bedroom with a glass of water and a handful of electrolyte pills to find Thrawn already curled up on his side on the cot, a patchwork quilt draped over him. He appeared to be asleep, but Eli knew he was likely meditating since Chiss needed less sleep than humans. Eli draped Thrawn's jacket on a chair and stripped off his shirt and pants before crawling into his bed. He pulled all the blankets as close to him as possible and curled his body into a tight ball, holding onto a pillow and exhaling, working up the courage to summon the right words for what he wanted to say.

“Hey Thrawn? Thanks for being here, really. You’re the last person I thought I’d see when I walked into that bar tonight but I’m really glad you’re here. You kept me from makin’ a mess of myself tonight. You didn’t have to come all the way to Lysatra but you did anyway. Thanks for looking out for me, it means a lot to me to not be… alone. Good night.” and Eli began to drift off.

When he was reasonably sure the human was asleep, Thrawn let out the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “I would rather be nowhere else” he whispered into the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for following along with this!  
I post art and occasional spoiler-y things on my Tumblr, which is [WildSpaceYokel](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/wildspaceyokel) you're always welcome to ask me anything.
> 
> P.S. The designer 'Ollieo Armani' is named after my dog :)
> 
> Hope you're having a good day.  
Cheers  
-Wild


	9. Friends and Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A quiet morning, sunlight, and connections.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's been so long in between chapters. I've been in a little bit of a writing slump on this project, but here's a chapter finally. It's a bit slower paced than previous ones, but there are some sweet moments in int.

The following morning arrived with a hazy sunrise of dancing yellows and pale blues, washing the semiarid sahel landscape of Lysatra with crisp gold and lilac shadows. Outside, the temperature was still below freezing, but would rapidly warm as the sun climbed higher in the sky. Steam rose from the ground where the light hit it- moisture in the top layer of frozen soil sublimating in the sun’s patient warmth.

Inside his family’s warm cave home, lying diagonally in his childhood bed, layered under the warm quilts his grandmother Helen and mother had made for him in his youth; Eli took a moment to appreciate the stillness and familiar scent and sounds of home. The brightly illuminated stucco walls with posters of speeder racers and photographs of memories from days gone by. 

Force, he was young then, when did he get so old? Was his smile still that crooked and goofy? Eli could hear activity in the rooms beyond his but it was more erratic than the persist ant steady hum of the Chimaera. Speaking of the ship, Eli found himself increasingly thankful that Thrawn had found and rescued him from a sloppy night most likely spent the gutter. 

Stretching out and yawning, Eli sat up and rubbed the sleep from eyes. He noticed Thrawn’s cot was empty and already made up and wondered how long he had been awake and what he was currently up to, still slightly disbelieving that his Admiral was actually on the planet with him, but there was Thrawn’s leather jacket draped over a chair and his datapad on Eli’s dresser- concrete proof that this wasn’t a strange dream. Pulling on a sweater, Eli rummaged through his satchel for some painkillers and popped them in his mouth. Thrawn may have rescued him from the gutter, but not from the unknown volume of whiskey he’d consumed the night prior while at the bar and Thom’s place.

In a burst of sudden shame, memories from the last night came crashing back to Eli. Stars, his conduct since he’d been home had been horrible. Definitely not becoming of on an Imperial Naval Officer nor of the man his grandmother and parents had raised him to be. Shaking his head and raking his hands through matted tousled hair, Eli appraised his reflection in the small vanity window and groaned. He looked as wrecked as he felt internally. 

Clenching his hands and squaring his chest with resolve, Eli told himself he was going to lay off the whiskey for a while after this— time to stop running from his demons and to face them with a clearer head. His grandmother would understand a little bit of sloppy behavior but she certainly wouldn’t want him wallowing much longer. Making eye contact with the haggard reflection staring back at him, Eli recited several iterations of one of his personal mantras before opening the door and stepping out into the day. Chin up Vanto, Chin up! Clear eyes forward, can’t lose!

—-  
With renewed determination, Eli padded into his parents’ sunlit kitchen before collapsing at the comfortably worn dining table while he waited for the world to come into focus around him. His mother Mae was just finishing up making a large breakfast skillet for herself, Thrawn, Mia, and Eli. Mia was scrolling through her datapad while haphazardly putting away clean dishes with her other free hand. A fine haze filled the room as steam and moisture from the heating unit caught in the morning sunlight. Everything was a little too loud, a little too colorful, and moving just a little too fast— but at least the ground wasn’t spinning below Eli. And then Thrawn pressed a steaming bug of caf into Eli’s hands and his heart skipped a beat. In that moment, everything felt right.

For his part, Thrawn seemed extremely proud of himself to be tasked with caf duty, and to execute his responsibilities appropriately. On his face, he wore a proud, almost-smile on his lips and his red eyes were softly glowing. His dark indigo hair was brushed back but not styled with the precision of his daily coif on the Chimaera. As their hands touched, Eli looked up into the twin vermilion orbs and noted that Thrawn’s chest was slightly puffed out- he had a tendency to carry himself like that when victory was seized from seemingly impossible odds, or when High Command was telling him that they didn’t understand why one of his plans succeeded but appreciated the victory nonetheless. He looked soft in a way Eli had never seen him look before, he looked happy. Eli liked that look on hm.

Blinking away from Thrawn’s hypnotizing gaze, Eli blushed and looked down into his caf.

I wonder if he’s happy to be with a family again? Eli mused to himself. Or maybe he’s just pleased to just be with people who don’t see him as their commander and where he can relax. Wait, does Thrawn ever relax- with anyone besides me? No, no he really doesn’t… I wonder if he’s afraid to relax? This might be a really a big deal…

Flushing deeper at the revelation, Eli’s lips curled in an easy smile. Right now he wasn’t seeing AdmiralThrawn on duty or trying to play politics, instead he was seeing Thrawn, as Thrawn— completely at ease in a domestic setting. It appeared that for once, the cogs in his alien brain that were constantly churning out genius strategies had stilled, and the Chiss had an aura of intent serenity to him that was absolutely stunning. 

“You know, you could’ve just said you were going to bring Thrawn with you when you said you were coming home Eli. Then we wouldn’t’ve had to send him out to rescue you last night.” Mia quipped as she glanced up from her datapad to smirk at her older brother. Eli huffed in exasperation and rolled his eyes at his sister before throwing an overly-dramatic glare at his sister. He prayed to the force that the impending interrogation by the Vanto women would be brief questions that he could easily dodge.

“Yes, Eli dear, why didn’t you tell us sooner?” His mother warmly cut in as she brought the platter of food to the table. Thrawn silently trailed behind her with a stack of plates and silverware. While setting the table, the Chiss discreetly glanced down at Eli before subtly raising a single at the human, clearly curious about the conversation. Stars, I hope Thrawn isn’t in on this ‘torture Eli for his life gossip’ family ambush. Eli hoped to himself.

“Tell ya what Ma?” Eli asked, rubbing his temple, maybe if he acted dumb they could move on to gossip about his other cousins.

“That your friend Mr Thrawn is such a nice young man! I see now why the Navy promoted him so young- he’s smart and thoughtful and he even knew how to find you last night out on the town all by his lonesome. Oh and look! He brought us a bouquet of fireflowers- my favorite! And a case of fruits from the mid rim AND a darling little holo of the two of you standing on the bridge of that pirate ship y’all did capture recently. You know boys, that pirate gang had been a real source of pain for a lotta of honest working folk out here. Eli, your pa is just going to love showing that holo to the men at the spaceport!”

Eli’s mind cartwheeled while he busied himself with serving breakfast. “Ally”... “friend”... “darling holo of us?” Him making caf for my family at home and buying my family gifts? My dad being proud to show off holos of us? Damn, when did THAT happen? What the hell was even going on with him and Thrawn now? Eli decided to put those thoughts in the airlock and tuck into his food- a home cooked meal beat ship rations any day of the cycle and eating his food would hopefully keep Eli’s mind too busy to further implode.

Eventually, as everyone began to finish up their breakfast Mia looked over to her brother and spoke up. “Hey Eli. Speaking of shipping companies, Dad wants us two to swing by his office this afternoon for a bit of family business. I told him we’d be by at 13:00. He said Thrawn could come by at 14:00 if he wants to as well we can give your friend a tour if he wants. That should give you enough time to wash all the grime from last night off and finally move your kriffin storage bin that’s taking up the good parking spot under the awning.”

Damn it Mia, damn. She knew.

\---

After breakfast, Eli took some time to move and empty out his storage crate. Thrawn had joined him in the crisp morning sunshine and was currently reclining on a chaise, occasionally looking on with passive interest at Eli’s actions while responding to work correspondence on his datapad. Eli thought Thrawn looked like a lothcat lounging in a sunbeam and smiled at the thought- for all of his intimidating characteristics, Thrawn had some very cat-like mannerisms. If he could get away with lounging or leaning back against something, he usually would in a gracefully regal way.

Finally \ done with sorting through the crate save for one object, Eli pulled out his mandolin from its case and strummed the badly out-of-tune instrument, cringing at the sound. Hearing the sharp cacophony, Thrawn perked up and watched Eli intently as he began to remove the brittle strings.

“’S no surprise that needs fixin’.” Eli mumbled and then explained how he used to play the mandolin before leaving it behind at Myomar Academy. The instrument hadn’t been touched in years and needed to be restrung. “Guess I’ll buy some replacements for this in town today before meetin’ up with my dad and Mia.” Handing the wooden instrument to Thrawn for inspection, Eli continued. “Did you have any plans for today Thrawn or would you wanna come along?”

“Indeed. I would appreciate a ride into town Eli, if you are taking a speeder, and perhaps to accompany you while you procure replacement components for this mandolin. I have an appointment with your Aunt, Lyda Vanto, at 12:00- she has agreed to show me several of Lysatra City’s more prominent architectural landmarks. I believe our rendezvous point is a cafe near the spaceport.”

“You’re meeting up with my Aunt Lyda? To go look at buildings? How did you manage to pull that off?”

“I conversed with your mother yesterday and mentioned my desire to limit the disruption my presence caused for your family. She told me that was ‘krayt spit’ and as a guest I was to be shown proper hospitality. After briefly discussing interests and hobbies, she suggested her sister-in-law might be able to show me some of Lysatra City’s architecture. Fortunately, Professor Vanto has availability this afternoon and agreed to the tour. I am most intrigued to learn more about local architectural conventions Eli.”

“Of course you did.” Chuckling, Eli continued, smiling at Thrawn “Well, it’ll sure be different from those soaring Mandolorian structures you like so much si— I mean Thrawn.” before blushing at his slip up. 

——

The ride into the center of town was a dull affair, as the only speeder available was the clunky old one that the family mostly kept around for spare parts. Vehicles didn’t need to have a current certifications to operate on Lysatra so there was no incentive to trash it yet. Hopefully they’d get a chance to take Ma or Mia’s speeder out for a ride across the flats and canyons before the visit was over. 

After buying replacement strings and spending longer than planned for at the music shop, Eli dropped Thrawn off and headed toward the spaceport. He still had one more stop before meeting up with his father and Mia, and thankfully it was on the way. Schooling his expression into something remotely stoic, Eli hopped out of the speeder and walked into Thom’s workshop. A few moments waiting and his friend came out to the reception area with a smirk on his lips and warm twinkle in his eye.

“Vanto, Vanto, Vanto... I was wonderin’ when I’d be seeing ya today.” He winked at Eli. “Perfect timing. As always. I’ve just made up a pot of caf and was gonna catch some sun before troubleshooting a busted wiring harness. Wanna join me for a bit?”

Eli doubted that Thom had ‘just’ made the pot of caf based on the burning smell, but didn’t call him out on it while he poured a cup and followed the taller man out to a small patio behind the shop. They sat together in a stiff and awkward silence for a moment before Eli suddenly spoke up, words tumbling out of his mouth.

“I’m sorry about last night, Thom. That wasn’t what I --”

“Hey. Don’t worry about it Eli.” Sharp, olive green eyes pierced into Eli’s soft brown ones and Thom continued speaking, his voice steady. Eli wondered if he’d practiced this speech.

“Ah…It would’a been a fleeting thing anyway. I’m more sorry about the mess you’ve got going on in your heart. It’s not something I envy and I feel for ya.”

“Thanks Thom. I appreciate it.” Comfortable silence now filled the clear, cold morning air. Steam rose from their mugs of caf. Thom took out a pack of cigarettes and lit one, then passed the pack to Eli who took one as well and leaned in while Thom held out a light for him. Blushing slightly and still embarrassed about his behavior the night before but slowly coming to terms with it all, Eli was truly grateful for a friend like Thom.

“Ya know” Eli’s carefully-suppressed wild space accent had been creeping back as the morning sun intensified and he handed the packet back to Thom. “These are bad for you. You really should stop smoking ‘em.”

“And you should talk to your man.” The mechanic retorted with a smirk, before taking a long drag of his cigarette.

Eli sighed and looked at the ground then shook his head. “Kriffin’ hell, Thom. I still don’t know how the sith it happened, but you know, he’s here on Lysatra right now. He was waitin’ for me at Pete’s Place when I got back there after leaving your’s last night.”

“Krayt spit!” Thom let out a rumbling chuckle and slapped his thigh while winking at Eli 

“So. Did ya finally end up moaning the right name for the right person last night?”

Eli’s blush turned crimson and he kicked the ground, knuckles clenched tight around his mug of caf in frustration. “No... Nothin’ happened Thom. He walked me home and I showed him a view of the city from one of the rooftops, but you know me, I was too afraid to make the move. I guess he kept me outta the gutter or from doing something real stupid, which is good. But I didn’t want to mess it all up. 

“I did ask him how the blazes he knew what bar to go to. Turns out Mia told him last night when he showed up unexpectedly at my parents' house with gifts for everyone and was lookin’ for me. That was kinda awkward to explain this morning to my ma.”

“Yo Eli. I’m pretty sure that means he also likes you. Where’s he at now?” Thom elbowed Eli right above his hip bone, causing him to lurch forward and spasm with laughter.

“What was that for you nerf herder?! I’ve got too much of a headache to be tickled now.Anyway, he’s on a walking architecture tour of the old town center with my Aunt Lydia. Yeah. He organized that with my Ma too.”

“And why aren’t you tagging along for that ride?”

“Because I needed to set things right with you.”

“Aww. You’re too good for this world, Eli.”

More silence and sunlight. Thom glanced around the alleyway, thinking on words to say.

“So do you still play your mandolin?”

“It got left behind at Myomar when I was transferred to Royal Imperial. They shipped it back home with the rest of my stuff but I never unpacked the cargo crate until this morning. I need to restring it but it seems fine otherwise. I’m thinkin’ of selling it before I leave, you interested in buying?”

“Don’t sell it Eli, it’d be a damn shame. Go put strings on it and play again. And also sing some more so you don’t sound like that rusty bucket of a speeder you drove over here in next time. You guys ever gonna get riddof that thing?”

Thom paused and took another drag before continuing. His expression thoughtful. “Hey. You know what? I was planin’ to jam at the crags tonight with a couple of friends. I think you remember Jolo, Misha, and Harry? We’re just gonna hang and work on a few songs for a bit. An a few more folks will be around, not really a party or anything big, but you, Mia, and Thrawn should definitely come join us. Bring your mandolin and see what you remember. Or don’t, s’all cool, just show up okay? Maybe I can find something worth blowing up and we can all have a good time.”

“That sounds real nice Thom.”

“Yeah it does. See ya tonight then Eli. Now get outta my sight and go see your pa. Swing by though if you need an escape from all that Vanto energy. I’m working till 1700.”

“Hey Thom?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re also too good for this world.”

“Heh. I’ve heard that a time or two.”

The silence they sat in now was comfortable and familiar. Eli finished his smoke, discreetly tossed the dregs of his caf, and headed off to the spaceport, curious as to where the day would go from here.


	10. A Big Enough Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli receives his inheritance, Thrawn makes a new friend, the guys tour Vanto Shipping

El’s father was in his office, looking through several screens of data. When he and Mia entered, he greeted them without turning around right away, still tapping at a display.

“Eli! Mia! Oh, what I’d pay to work with clients as punctual as you two. Take a seat, or go grab some tea from the lounge if you want- I’ll close right up after I cross reference these current manifests. Just a sec….” Soren Vanto scrolled though two concurrent datasets while Eli looked on with mild interest. Mia had stepped out to grab some tea and by the time she returned, her father and brother were both huddled together, talking about math.

“That’s gotta be a new record for you two nerds to start talking about data sets” Mia quipped as she blew on her steaming tea. “What are you finding this time? Anyone trying to transport something they shouldn’t?”

“Doesn’t look like it Mia, but I might ask your brother here if he can look over our fuel consumption logs after we finish up with family stuff, those numbers are starting to look a little outta sorts.” Soren Vanto replied while his daughter suddenly decided that the cracks in the ceiling were more interesting than continuing this conversation.

Once they finished with manifests, Eli took a seat in the second upholstered chair across from their father’s desk while he unlocked one of his desk drawers and pulled out several boxes.

“Well kids. I don’t really know how to say this. But, uh, here's your inheritance from Granma. Sorry to make you deal with this right now but her will was real clear cut about who gets what and Eli’s shipping out the morning after next so I figured, might as well get this over with. Then maybe you guys can enjoy the rest of your time together in peace.”

Their father handed Eli and Mia two small boxes and credit chips. Eli gasped when he opened the box in his hands- it contained his grandmother’s _novidario_, or promise bracelet as they were known in Basic. It was a Lysatran tradition to present one’s beloved with a custom-wrought silverite betrothal bracelet to wear as a public symbol of commitment. In more recent years, these bracelets were also worn by some couples who were not married as a status symbol- this shift in cultural mores created a fair bit of social tension among the generations while infusing it with enamel or precious stone inlay.

The silverite itself was a precious metal found in rare veins on the planet’s poles. It was so rare that betrothal bracelets would be melted down between generations and passed through family lines. Skilled artisans would take the melted silverite and and form it into a new design while infusing it with enamel or precious stone inlay.

There was no agreed upon consensus on how _novidario_ bracelets were passed between generations. While Eli was the oldest grandchild and had been very close with his grandmother, he still found himself surprised and honored that he was chosen to inherit this heirloom- his father was the youngest child and Eli wasn’t in a serious relationship with anyone. Damn. He took the bracelet out of the box and felt its weight, responsibility, and history in his hands. His father, looked at him and began to speak.

“I know traditions around here are changing, but I don’t think Ma would want this just given away to the first person who catches your fancy Eli. But, she would want you to give it to someone who makes you happy. So, uh, give it to someone who makes you happy, whoever they are. And uh, don’t wait around if you find them, Vantos know when they know, you know?” 

Mia snorted at their father’s attempts to give relationship advice, he looked like he was about to diffuse the emotional moment with a joke or nerd talk but kept on going. 

“Your mom and I got married when we weren’t even twenty years old, we had you two kiddos by the time we were Mia’s age. Now. Listen. That’s not where I’m going. I mean. You know, well. What is mean is we found each other and we were so happy and we knew. And I think you’ll know when you know too. And I know here on Lysatra, we don’t have speeder piloting licenses, but we do have marriage licenses. NOT marriage learner’s permits- you get the real-for-all-your-life-deal on day one of that marriage, so take it serious with respect. And love.Definitely love. And… with a whole lotta humor.”

Sitting across from his father, listening to him stumbling through this sharing of fatherly advice, Eli was pretty sure he knew which parent he inherited his tendency to blush from. His father’s skin was beet red and Eli’s would bet good credits that his face was equally flushed. 

And in the pit of his stomach, Eli _knew_.

* * *

Thrawn reflected on the relative novelty of traveling as an unknown sentient in the city and being completely ignored. It was a freeing and disturbing thought. He still drew attention with his sharp figure and imposing aura, but it was a detached awareness of the civilians instead of the rigid naval protocol of his crew— he wasn’t in command on the city streets and free to do as he wished. He enjoyed the cold air and the sunshine, the bright colors around him, and the eclectic pastiche of Lysatra City.

He shuffled through his thoughts as he strolled down the street. Eli seemed less troubled this morning than he had the night previously at the bar where he had been very emotional and in distress. His body language had also displayed shame, arousal, and guilt. Very agitated and he smelled… off somehow. This morning he still seemed somewhat distracted but his smell was normal and his hands were warm and steady when he’d accepted the mug of caf Thrawn had pressed into them. 

Humans were known to display a wild range of emotions when experiencing grief and Thrawn’s observations of Eli seemed to be in line with that- he would need to find a way to ask him about the shame, or at least be on the lookout for that to come up in other situations, as it was not an emotion he liked seeing on Eli and not good for one’s mental health. The younger human radiated when he was confident. Thrawn wished to cultivate more of his bravado and confidence in his capabilities. If he was being honest with himself, which he supposed he could do in the safe anonymity of the city street and his civilian clothes, Thrawn found Eli’s confidence to be extremely arousing. It appealed to him not just because confidence made the younger man’s entire presence more attractive, but that he also knew and respected the work Eli had put in to grow into who he was now.

And Thrawn was extremely curious to see what Eli would continue to grow into. He had certain… hopes, but those often seemed more like fantasies than a possible reality.

He liked getting to know the Vantos- they seemed much more thoughtful and cultured than he was led to believe- perhaps he had some core world prejudice or Eli had more shame than he realized about his heritage? Although the city was smaller and more rustic than a Core World city, it was no backwater shanty camp. The bustling spaceport and industry districts were large enough to signify certain technological and economic benchmarks had been reached. There were buildings in many styles and attention to detail in the public spaces that demonstrated thoughtful, intentional planning. 

As he headed to the meetup coordinates, Thrawn noted that the buildings became more detailed and of older construction. It appeared they were in a historic district. Many of the buildings had carved stone alcoves with statues or planters in them. In the cold, there were no flowers but many hardy looking succulents and cactus species. 

“So you’re the one responsible for taking my nephew away to the stars.”

Thrawn turned around and noted the speaker- a tall, wiry woman with dark hair, olive skin, and a thin, angular face.

“Lyda Vanto, nice to meet you.” She spoke with a brisk air of authority and extended her hand to shake Thrawn’s. 

“Before Eli left home never to return again, whisked off by some smart naval officer” she eyed Thrawn pointedly before continuing “I was the family disappointment.” Lyda joked, a cheeky smile on her lips and her caf brown, kohl-rimmed eyes twinkling. 

“Of course, that didn’t stop my siblings from taking advantage of my seasons off from the university and my availability to watch the horde.” In a mocking, singsong tone, Lyda Vanto mimicked her brother-in-law Kato “’ Ooooooh Lyda! You have summers off! Clearly that means you don’t have anything better to do or conferences to go to or papers to write! I’m sure you have all the time in the stars to watch our spawn! What?! Take them to the spaceport with me while I work? That’s absurd! What if they decided to play hide and seek and got stuck in a shipping container bound for the unknown regions?! Preposterous!’”

Snorting, the professor continued, now deadpan and smiling proudly. “They were all rather well-educated ruffians in their youth. And when I couldn’t stand the noise and chaos, I’d dump them on my colleagues to deal with for a while. The deal was that Soren always kept our staff lounge stocked with a cask of his most recent concoction and made us a casserole a week so we’d be fed and watered. Never doubt the power of food as motivation for us academics, we’re a rather hopeless lot.” Her smile now seeped into her thin cheeks, right up to the laugh lines around her eyes. She was proud of her contribution to the Vanto family legacy. And Thrawn had learned quite a lot about the background of Eli Vanto.

“But, here I go again, us professors just like to hear ourselves talk. Is it similar as an Admiral? Do you enjoy giving orders to your crew?”

“When the orders are sound.”

“But they aren’t always?”

“Occasionally, priorities clash, but if one is open to considering nontraditional tactics, often creative solutions can be found.”

“I like you Admiral Thrawn, tell me of some of your more ‘creative solutions’ while we head to the Civil Gardens. There are shrines to many of our past leaders there and I’m curious about your take on them. Then we’ll get a bite and head to the new contemporary exhibit at the cultural center.”

Thrawn found he liked Eli’s aunt’s company very much. She reminded him slightly of his brother Thrass and Commodore Faro- a direct, cultured, and uniquely sarcastic woman who was whip-smart. There was no judgment from her that wasn’t earned on his part, her observations were astute, and her wit acerbic. They had a lovely afternoon discussing architecture, art, and philosophy. The time passed all too quickly.

* * *

Thrawn arrived outside Vanto Shipping promptly at 13:55, now wearing a scarf he bought in the city, Lyda Vanto having helped haggle down the price for him. The blocky patterns of pale green and dark indigo traditionally winter colors on Lysatra, a fitting memento for the trip.

Eli was already sitting on a bench in the sun and greeted him warmly.

“Hey Thrawn, nice scarf. I hope you had a good time out today.” He smiled up at him.

Thrawn noted the increase in Eli’s heat signature. “Thank you Eli, I very much did enjoy myself this afternoon, and I look forward to seeing the shipping facility.”

“Well, c’mon in and my dad will give us the tour!”

Soren Vanto was polite and soft-spoken, his face seemed too kind to be one of a Wild Space business leader, which made sense once Thrawn learned Soren handled the back end management of the company while his older brother Kato was the public leader of the operation. He’d seen a photo of the Vanto family at Eli’s home and noted that even as a teenager, Kato Vanto had the eyes of a fighter.

As they toured the facility, Thrawn opted to remain mostly silent and observe. His focus shifting between observing Eli, his family dynamic, and the facility equally. All areas of his focus providing valuable insights.

“Most of our trading currently is within wild space and growing into the unknown regions. Kato’s been trying to stay neutral and not get us directly tied to the empire, or the, not-empire. It really means mostly selling to those who sell to the empire, but not directly. We don’t want a target on our backs.”

Thrawn noted that many of the transport ships seemed more sturdy than necessary for strictly cargo, and glanced to Eli, who was looking curiously at a heavily armored communications array.

“Yeah, we’ve had to do some work on making our ships harder to disable. Includes, making the delicate bits not so delicate.It’s all within civilian code for the regions we travel through, and our manifests public. Nothing shady here, just safe business practices. Soren and I have been working on doing the numbers to see if it’s worth it to hire on more private security assets. Right now we don’t want to, but as the region grows more unstable, we are strategizing.”

Eli stepped close to Thrawn and placed a hand on his shoulder. Looking up him, he leaned in and whispered in quiet _Cheuhn “Do you see the same concealed storage areas I do? The power logs indicate we’re operating something more powerful than just engines to get from point to point.”_

_“It’s likely they are more heavily armed than your family will say. A wise choice as long as they continue to deal with their current clients but would be wise to strip down before conducting trade runs in the inner rim. They should be able to continue on like this unfettered by the Empire as long as they don’t get involved with transport of doonium or coaxium.”_

_“I told my dad to avoid doonium shipments a couple years back, didn’t go into details Thrawn, but that it’d be more trouble in the long run than the profits might make it seem. I think that’s part of the reason they’ve been expanding into the Unknown Regions, they’re looking for new markets.” _Eli said in a low voice.

_“Avoiding doonium transport is a sound decision. And you honor your family’s business by looking out for their interests.”_

“If you guys could quit whispering in that sy bisti dialect, could you join me at this star map? I want to show you a couple areas that might be worth investigating.” Soren called to Eli and Thrawn, who had been making an act of investigating a sensor array to mask their conversation.

Blushing, Eli called out to his father that they’d be right over, grabbed Thrawn’s hand, and pulled him along to the mapping display.

* * *


	11. Only the Wild Ones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli and Thrawn go on a speeder ride in the desert.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the fluff you are looking for :)

Finally done for the day, Thrawn and Eli returned to Eli’s parents’ home and began packing up to head out to the crags for the night. Eli was quickly shoving items into two storage containers while Thrawn skimmed through the communiques on his datapad.

“I’m hoping we can get out to the abyss before sunset. Do you have anything important that needs responding to?”

“There is nothing Commodore Faro cannot see to. Are we prepared to leave?”

“Let’s see, I’ve got heated blankets and sleeping pads for us, my mandolin that I restrung, water and food rations, and bottle of ale it you want it. Thankfully it all compresses down and will fit into the cargo container so driving ability of Mom’s speeder won’t be compromised.”

Thrawn quirked an eyebrow. “We are taking your mother’s speeder? Was your father’s speeder not satisfactory?”  
“Dad’s speeder…goes, but Mom’s handles better. You’ll see. She used to race before I was born and sometimes still pilots ships on the ‘fun’ runs through asteroid belts and stuff.

Smiling, Eli looked at his mother’s copper and red speeder. She still maintained it to her rigorous standards for it perform well over the rough desert terrain. “Oh yeah, we’ll definitely get there in time for sunset.”

The cargo loaded up and they were all set to go. Eli looked at Thrawn, slightly hesitantly before speaking.

“You ever drive one of these?”

“I do not believe I have ever piloted a speeder as… bespoke as this model, though I suppose I could operate this one with rudimentary proficiency.”

“Well this one has a little jumpy fuel injection system and power relay. But it makes up for the finikyness with it’s throttle through the turns. So, uh, how ‘bout I drive?” It wasn’t so much a question as a polite announcement. Thrawn noted that Eli’s hands were twitching in anticipation and and his eyes had a warm, reverent sparkle to them. He was practically vibrating with excitement.

“That sounds agreeable.”

* * *

The journey out of town was quick and easy. Thrawn sat behind Eli on the speeder and held onto the side railing while looking at the desert countryside passing them by. He was curious about this ‘abyss’ they were heading to. Finally, the winding road straightened out as the landscape shifted from dispersed homesteads to steppe and rolling plains.

“Here we go!” Eli yelled in front of him, joy softening his voice, and he cranked the power on the speeder

And then they were off.

Before the fear overwhelmed him, Thawn entertained the thought that Eli would have been a good speeder pilot and perhaps the Empire should recruit more outer rim pilots.

Then everything became a blur.

Eli zipped out over sand flats and rock formations, through slot canyons, accelerating into the turns.

They were simply traveling to a social gathering, Thrawn didn’t realize he would seeing his life flash before his eyes today.

He clung onto Eli for dear life.

Eli was screaming. Not in terror as Thrawn would be were he not paralyzed in fear, but in apparent joy. The small part of Thrawn’s brain that was still capable of conscious thought fought desperately to record the sounds of pure joy.

While Eli’s legs and arms were wrapped tightly around the speeder, his shoulders were loose and his posture relaxed as he leaned from side to side, banking the speeder through the turns.

They sped over washes and dry river beds, following what looked to be the winding path of an ancient flood that had long ago carved the landscape beyond them. In the distance, red shapes became distinct rock formations- ocher monuments carved in testament to the passage of time.

Zipping through the hills and rock formations. Sunlight, shade, wind, light. Tight corners. The sounds echoing on rocks behind them. Eli’s screams of joy. Thrawn’s eyes squeezed shut, face buried in the human’s shoulder and neck, the tickle of fine brown hair brushing against his head. His heart, beating faster than normal. Their positions, how well Eli fit into his arms, like they were two parts machined to fit together. In this moment, Thrawn realized he trusted Eli implicitly and Eli would keep him safe.

The sun hung low in the sky.

* * *

Eventually, Eli banked the speeder and brought it to a stop. They were parked on an overlook at the edge of a great plateau. He was panting and smiling as he reclined back against Thrawn’s embrace, letting his head fall onto Thrawn’s shoulders behind him and pushed his goggles up, exposing his face. Without thought to the gesture, Eli shifted in his seat and turned around to face Thrawn. He brought one warm hand up and caressed Thrawn’s cheek before placing a soft, lazy kiss on the edge of his lips.

At the same moment Thrawn gasped sharply and sat right up, suddenly loosening his vice-grip around Eli, causing the younger man to awkwardly shift forward and away from him to maintain his balance on the speeder. The intimate moment was lost and kiss unnoticed .

Eli quickly looked away from Thrawn, blushing furiously and ashamed.

“This… This is fantastic.” Thrawn exhaled behind him, crimson eyes wide and voice barely audible as he was awash with wonder.

The plateau they had stopped on overlooked a giant canyon filled with partially exposed carved sculptures the size of small freighters and haunting rock formations that were abstract works of art on their own. Thrawn had never seen anything like this in his life.The scale of the ancient sculptures, the mosaic of warm colors of sand and stone, the vast open sky and gold sun blazing low on the horizon.

Thrawn exhaled a moment later, eventually coming back to himself after having been lost in the expanse. Now he shifted uncomfortably on the speeder.

“Eli.” He began delicately. “When we stopped at this overlook… Did you… attempt to kiss me?”

_Oh shit oh shit oh shit there goes my career I shouldn’t have done that why am I so stupid?!…. Eli thought, blood draining from his face in terror. Time to fess up and face the music._

“I did s—”

“—Do it again.” Thrawn cut in, breathy and urgent and needy, his voice emboldened with an air of command.

And so Eli did. 

He was hesitant at first, bringing his hand back up against Thrawn’s cheek and holding it there a moment, gazing into those glowing red eyes, looking for confirmation. Eli felt so bold, so powerful, so afraid, so wild and so free in this moment as he leaned forward just a bit more and delicately pressed his lips against Thrawn’s.

Thrawn kissed him back. Fiercely.

It was like freefall as the sudden wave of feeling overwhelmed him. Thrawn kissed Eli back with urgency. His lips soft but intention steel. He kissed the way he did everything in life- thoroughly and to win. The softness of his lips could not betray the full force of his actions and Thrawn’s grip on Eli’s waist tightened as their kiss deepened. He slid an arm around to brace against Eli’s lower back.

Eli leaned back for a moment, looking up at Thrawn with curious, appraising eyes and soften facial features. His hand trailed up the side of Thrawn’s face before boldly carding though windswept indigo hair and eventually resting at the back of his neck. Eli’s other hand was curled into a loose, possessive grip on the lapel of Thrawn’s jacket and he smiled crookedly at the man holding him. 

_Mine, you are finally mine_ he thought disjointedly as he marveled at how well their bodies fit together. 

They stared at each other for a magical moment, an eternity passing between them in that instant. A shared understanding of adoration and lust and… _joyful relief that this was finally actually happening. _

The nearest star went supernova and life began anew. Silly, goofy, lazy smiles.

Thrawn closed the gap between them and kissed Eli again, his tongue curious and they explored each other’s mouths. Eli was pretty sure he could feel both their hearts beating in unison and that nothing else existed in the galaxy beyond this kiss. They were lost in each other, like dust on the wind. 

Thrawn’s hands traveled up and down the side of Eli’s rib cage, resting at the sides of his hips before eventually moving to cup his ass. Eli bit back a moan as he reveled in Thrawn’s confident touch. In one deliberate movement, Thrawn hoisted Eli up and around onto his lap, moving his leg so that the smaller man was straddling him.  
  
Briefly, Eli thought about how in this position sitting on Thrawn’s lap, they were both eye level. Eye level and… lip level… he leaned in and kissed Thrawn again, fiercely with a hungry little growl of a moan. His fingers return to raking through Thrawn’s hair while his thumbs lazily ran up and down on the sides of his temples, causing Thrawn to exhale a quiet moan of his own as Eli’s warm thumbs traced along his forehead ridges.

Thrawn slid a hand up to Eli’s neck and rests it there while his other one held his lower back, tethering him against him. The smaller human fits perfectly in his arms, like their bodies were made for this…

And their bodies seemed to be made for so much more.

Eli sighed into him. Thrawn held him tightly and inhaled the scent of Eli and desert air. Perhaps terrifying speeder rides weren’t so bad.

“Eli?! Eli?! Where the kriff are you?” Mia’s voice cut in from the comm. Damn.

“Are you ever going to make it out here or not? Everyone wants to see you!”

“Uh, one sec, let me get back to you!” Eli turned off the comm and looked to Thrawn.

“We don’t have to join them, we can stay here…”

Thrawn shushed Eli with a chaste kiss on the lips and looked into his eyes.

“We should go to them, you have not seen them in years. And we can always continue this later.” He quirked an eyebrow in knowing challenge.

“Oh, we are definitely going to continue this later.” Eli smiled back at Thrawn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! IT FINALLY HAPPENED!
> 
> This chapter has been mostly written for months now but all that pesky dialogue and plot back in town had to get written. Now we are almost done and have a party to attend!
> 
> Thanks for following along so far!
> 
> Say hello on Tumblr, I am @wildspaceyokel


	12. Questions and Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli and Thrawn meet Eli's friends. Thrawn has a conversation with Thom.

Eli was much more cautious with his driving as he piloted the speeder away from the overlook and down to the crags where his friends were waiting for them. Not that he didn’t love the feeling of wind in his hair or the rush of pushing the speeder’s acceleration and handling to their limits, but right now he was definitely trying to take his time, and Eli wanted to drag out the new sensation of Thrawn cuddled up behind him for as long as possible.

Thrawn’s embrace around Eli was comfortable, casually intimate, and secure. While they had been physically comfortable in one another’s presence for some time now, the sheer _ mental relief _ at not having to pretend their actions were platonic anymore was liberating. Eli gazed down at the twin blue hands wrapped around his stomach and felt elated, a dopey grin spreading across his face ear-to-ear. He felt like he could float off into the sunset right now and die happy. The sheer relief of finally, _ finally _ acting on his feelings towards Thrawn, of acknowledging those feelings and the fact that Thrawn reciprocated them, it was just, _ the best. _

And so the weight of Thrawn’s head resting on Eli’s shoulder felt like an anchor, keeping him tethered to the speeder and reality. Eli could feel the entire line of Thrawn’s body pressed against him and he leaned back into Thrawn’s steady embrace, smiling as the wind ruffled his clothes and the setting sun warmed his skin. This was bliss.

* * *

  
  


Soon enough, Eli and Thrawn arrived at the group campsite-a small, natural amphitheatre of spindly rock formations in the craggy steppes outside of town. Long ago, this part of Lysatra had been a great ocean and the rocks here were sedimentary- made of parallel lines of red ochre and warm yellow layered as a testament to the ages past. Now the standing stones were a place hikers and campers frequented when they wanted a break from city life. Eli and his friends had been coming here to unwind and explore since their teen years and he was excited to share this place with Thrawn.

After parking the speeder, Eli and Thrawn picked up several bottles of ale and Eli’s mandolin, then walked over to the group.

“About time your two goons showed up!” Mia shouted in a warm and smiling greeting. She was kneeling in front of a wood pile, building what would soon become an excellent bonfire. Around her, an assortment of humans and aliens; some were tuning instruments, others sipping drinks and laughing, while a Weequay and blonde human were throwing knives at an empty can stacked on a boulder. They all looked up with kind faces as the pair walked over.

Eli’s friends greeted him with warmth, condolences, and a little bit of disbelief. Not everyone had thought he would have been granted shoreleave on such short notice for a chance to return home and many of them hadn’t seen Eli since he’d been a cadet. Thrawn, who was simply introduced as “Eli’s friend,” was greeted with genuine polite curiosity. When Mia announced that he was Chiss, someone let out a low whistle in surprise before the questions flooded in.

Thrawn had expected a cool reception at best- the genuinely interested interrogation was not what he had expected. The relentless curiosity of these people quickly made him the center of their attention and he appreciated that Eli stood by his side through the onslaught of questions, only stepping in to redirect the conversation when the questions were not ones Thrawn could answer. It was the same dance they performed at Imperial social functions, and one they had wordlessly slipped into, Thrawn realized.

Once Thrawn determined these people were not an immediate threat and had fair intentions, he relaxed his shoulders and spent a moment really looking at the beings in front of him. Eli’s friends were a mixture of humans and species common in the outer rim, their faces bright and relaxed, clothing eclectic. Objectively, the gathering was similar to the political events he knew on Coruscant, yet the reality of this social encounter was different. The best way Thrawn could describe it was that it felt quiet. This curated gathering of beings wasn’t here with an ulterior agenda to see to, there was no chain of command nor facades to be maintained. If anything, the agenda for the evening was simply to _ be _.

Stars, it had been a long time since Thrawn had been in company such as this. He blinked, lost in thought as he tried to count the years that had passed since he’d properly socialized when he felt Eli’s hand snake around his arm and pull him back into the present.

Eli looked up at him with warm eyes and spoke, “Thrawn, Mya was asking us about what we thought our best missions were and I was telling her about the time we hid in a shipping container that actually ended up getting loaded onto the pirates’ ship- do’ya want to add anything to it?”

Thrawn smiled graciously at Eli, thankful he had answered the question for himself with enough context for Thrawn to stay in the conversation instead of drifting off farther. Squeezing Eli’s hand in his, Thrawn shared his reflections on the shipping incident and countered with his own questions about life on Lysatra. Still, Eli’s friends were relentless in their curiosity and in this short span of time he’d answered more questions about his homeworld and culture than he’d ever been asked by his crewmates in the Navy.

“Do all Chiss look like you?”

“I heard Chiss have blue fur, is that true?

“How do you like the Empire?”

“Can you really read minds?”

“What do you do for fun?”

“Does Eli make you play music with him?”

“How does it feel only working with humans?”

“What’s been your favorite planet to visit in the Empire?”

“Have you really met the Emperor?!”

“What is the food like on your planet?”

“What’s the next crazy thing you and Eli are going to do?”

“Do you ever wonder how your life would have turned out if you hadn’t met Eli back then when the _ Strikefast _found you?” 

The last question caused Thrawn to pause and examine the speaker more closely. He was a human male, about Eli’s age, with shoulder-length blonde hair and a smattering of tattoos on his arms. He looked keenly at Thrawn with sharp green eyes, and raised an eyebrow in expectation. His bearing reminded Thrawn of several of Yularen’s field agents he had met over the years- a little too sharp and a little too friendly all at once. Thrawn was instantly on guard with this man as he spoke, hoping to tactically diffuse the conversation. 

“One must never underestimate the importance of luck in their experiences,” Thrawn responded, “I consider myself extremely lucky my path crossed with Eli’s when it did.”

Eli blushed and smiled bashfully at the other man and spoke up, “Thrawn, I’d like you ta meet Thom Salinas, he’s a real good friend of mine. And Thom, this is Thrawn, you already know about him.”

“Welcome to Lysatra,Thrawn.” The blonde man smiled at him and shook Thrawn’s hand. His handshake was firm, confident; and his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes.

Eventually the questions faded- Thrawn seemed to have passed the informal test Eli’s friends had performed. The sky had faded to near-twilight now, and the temperature was dropping rapidly. Mia lit the fire she had built and the group settled around it on portable chairs and blankets. The people who weren’t drinking were talking or picking at instruments. Eventually songs were played around the fire and people were laughing and singing along. Thrawn watched as Eli hesitantly picked at his mandolin and steadily became more confident with it- he seemed to remember most of the basic chords to strum along with the group. Thrawn smiled as he watched Eli’s deft fingers remember long-forgotten melodies- the look of pride on his commander’s face warmed Thrawn’s heart. Eli was comfortable and happy here, and that made Thrawn happy. He thought to himself how he would like some way to record this image- Eli smiling and playing music by the fire- perhaps it was time he took up a hobby? He made a note to look into purchasing a drawing tablet tomorrow and returned his gaze to watching the firelight dance in Eli’s eyes.

* * *

  
  


Thrawn had stepped away from the fire to get another beverage when the confrontation he was expecting finally occurred.

“A word, Mitth'raw'nuruodo?” Thrawn bristled slightly as he looked over his shoulder to the blonde human, Thom Salinas, who had pronounced his full name (and not the name he'd been introduced to the group with) perfectly. Thom’s jaw was relaxed but his green eyes were focused on Thrawn with open challenge.

“How do you?—” Thrawn began to ask before the man cut him off.

“Look, Eli told me about you. So I looked up you up and I practiced sayin’ your full name so I could say it right proper. That _ was _ correct, yeah?” Thom continued to speak without leaving Thrawn any room to respond. “Anyway, I figure you and I ought to get to know each other a bit more. And you can just call me Thom though, don’t need ta’ deal will all that extra formality your people have. I’ve known Eli for a long time and I’ve never seen him so wound up like this about, well, anyone.” His expression looked wistful for a brief moment before hardening again, “So I hope you know what you’re messing with. You _ are _aware of what you’re doing to him, right?” Thom was sizing him up, one word at a time.

And just like that, Thrawn was back on the bridge of the _Chimaera_, responding to an ambush. He looked at the man icily. “I am under no obligation to respond to that, Thom Salinas.” 

_Shots fired_. Thrawn would use the man’s full name as well, as he was clearly aware of the implications of doing so among the Chiss. If he felt so inclined to knowing Thrawn's personal bushiness then he would do well to remember his place.

“No, I guess you aren’t," Thom responded, amusement still in his voice, but the man was sizing Thrawn up as he spoke, his posture stiffening. “The question is, do _you_ feel you have any obligation to _him_?”

They were circling one another now, ever so slowly. Thrawn noted the sharp crunch of gravel under Thom's decisive footsteps, the subtle flexing of his wrists, the large vibroblade and the utilitool hanging from his belt. This man was not of the military, but he carried himself with a warrior's countenance. 

“There aren’t many people like Eli in the galaxy, Mitth’raw’nuruodo.” Again, Thom put emphasis on Thrawn’s full name- that he was intentionally _not_ using his core name and was aware of what that signified to his people. The distance between the two men crackled with tension as the mechanic continued to speak, his words beginning to drip with venom. “Eli doesn’t fall for people easily. And he’s _never_ repressed his emotions like this or made himself _suffer_ for fools either. So I hope you know what’s on the line here and that you aren’t using him just because you think he’s convenient or it makes your job easier."

Thrawn noted the way that the mechanic's face softened minutely each time he said Eli's name. He knew, without a doubt, this man also had feelings for Eli, as he watched the concerned and possessive expressions flash across Thom's face. This was a man who cared deeply for Eli, and he would defend him if necessary.

“I don’t know what you two get up to in space," Thom menaced, "but I _do_ know my friend is hurting because of you. So do something about it and fix it. Or I will. Fess up and be _honest_ with him about however the hell you feel for him and whatever the kriff you're doin' with him and do it _soon_. The longer I know Eli's hurting, the more I'm going to want to hurt the one who is responsible.”

A moment passed, quiet and laden with things yet unsaid, then Thrawn spoke, clear and quiet. “Is that a threat, Thom Salinas?”

“No, it’s a promise, _Admiral_.” The man really had done his homework, and the inflection he put in Thrawn’s title was sarcastic- he was not one who would adhere to proper rules of decorum in a conversation, nor would he fight conventionally should they come to blows. 

Thrawn looked at him for a charged moment longer and then made his decision. It was obvious he wasn’t the only one who’s heart belonged to Eli Vanto, and Thom was clearly aware that he was not the one Eli had chosen. Now he was concerned for his friend’s well being and willing the threaten a Naval Admiral in the process. Thrawn respected his fire and possessive concern for Eli yet he also felt piercing daggers of shame stab at his heart. Thom’s words about the need for honesty were truer than he likely knew- Thrawn had his mandate from Csilla after all. He was lying to Eli by omission. There were still secrets Thrawn was keeping from Eli, secrets he would need to address this before they advanced their —_relationship_— further, if he did not, could he live with himself?   
  


  
Taking a measured breath, Thrawn allowed his shoulders to relax and assumed a visibly defeated posture.

“You seem to be aware of some of the customs of my people. Do you know that we place a great value on loyalty to trusted ones and protection of those we love? Eli is lucky to have a friend like you. I will not go into detail with you on this, but I swear, on my warrior’s honor, I would never hurt or use Eli. He is– he exemplifies the best traits of your people and brings great joy to my life, joy I never thought possible to experience. I– I treasure him _greatly_.” With that, Thrawn began to turn around when a hand clapped on his shoulder.

“That’s what I was hoping to hear, Admiral!" Thom was smirking at him as he spoke, and the inflection on Thrawn’s title was warm now as he continued, "but you really need to make your feelings known to Eli before he does something dramatic.”

Thrawn quirked an eyebrow at the mechanic and the corner of his lip curled up fractionally.

“Perhaps I already have.”

And then the final flecks of challenge in Thom’s eyes transformed into mirth. His whole face shifted as relief for Eli washed over him.

“_Good_. About damn time _Thrawn_, you lucky blurrg!” Now his smile finally reached his eyes, the hand that had been on his shoulder now punched at Thrawn's ribs, harmlessly and playfully. Thrawn had passed this test and the realization of that brought more relief to him than he expected. Now he had to pass the next test with Eli- the test of honesty. 

“I am… glad to have met your approval, _Thom_.” Thrawn said, and he meant it earnestly.

“Hey, you got a knife on you? I wanna show you something Eli and I used to do back before he left for the academy. It’s silly but think of it like a cultural experience and I know it’ll make Eli laugh when he hears we did it together, 'specially since he's probably worried we're punching each other blind right now. You ever shotgunned a beer?” Thom asked.

Thrawn raised an eyebrow and looked at the blonde man in confusion. Despite his intelligence and observational skills, Thrawn could not make sense of what he had just asked him. "I do not think shooting a drink would aid in consuming it," he responded.

“Naw, it’s not like that, c’mon, let’s go Thrawn.” Thom chuckled.

And so, the mechanic and admiral stepped away from the cooler, beers in hand to go stab them with a knife and rapidly drink them together under the night sky and the light of a thousand stars.

Acceptance was an honor to be earned. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: Thrawn and Eli have an honest conversation
> 
> A/N: Hi there! I know it's been a super long time, and I'm sorry about that. Real life hasn't been the kindest this year and I've been dragging on all my fics but progress is being made again! This chapter is short but I decided to go ahead and publish it now instead of with an additonal several thousand words of feels might as well have a Thrawn-centric chapter where he gets to hang out and (mostly) relax.  
Thanks for following along so far and sticking with me- your comments, kudos, and subscriptions mean the world to me!

**Author's Note:**

> Say hello on Tumblr, I am @wildspaceyokel


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